Heartless

Part 3

It's 3am now and he's finally going to leave, but what he doesn't realize is that this is the time when my monsters are strongest. When I'm lying beneath my blood stained covers and just trying to breathe. This is when the darkness fully takes over and leaves me a crying heap. Ill think about all the ways to die in my room. The rope under my, maybe even the blade in my hands.

I heard my phone go off with the familiar ring that always seems to cut my thoughts off. He had just left and i was not expecting a call from him tonight.
" Hey," I said softly.
" Hi," he paused, " can I come back over for the night? I won't be able to sleep worrying about you all night."
" I dont think she'll like that bud. " I clenched the sheets in my hands. His girlfriend knew I love him, hell, he does too. Ive come to grips however that he will never be mine romantically and that's alright because he is still my best friend. Sometimes you can be just friends with someone you love.
" If I told her how you felt tonight I'm sure she'd be okay with it Sushi."
" You know she won't Braden. And you won't tell her anything because I said so. "
" Why dont you want people to know? I dont understand why it's so hard for you to ask for help."
" I just dont like doing that okay?" That's not what it is at all. I'd love for someone to be there all the time. Braden tries but i know he has enough to deal with himself. As for not want in to let people know that i have depression? Well that's actually more simple than people think. I want it a secret. Like a homosexual that hasn't come out to their parents yet. It's mostly because I'm scared of how people will treat me, see me or act around me. I am not important enough for people to change their lives for me. But not everyone changes their attitude for the better? A flashback played in my mind. Mental awareness day, the day we have to teach people to understand mental issues. A small girl with brown , overly curly hair sat across from me. Our teacher was speaking about people with mental illnesses. How they're still people and can be great human beings but like an amputee have a disability they have to live with. The thing she said is carved into my brain. Not somthing i can or will forget.
" I wouldn't want to live with a mental illness, it would be weird. Id be a freak."
Those simple words, not even what people think harsh have scarred me for life. As if that wasnt enough, she laughed when I said they weren't freaks and then she called me one.

" Sushi? Are you there?" His words pulled me from within the thought I was drowning in.

" Yea Im hear," I said, but those words could not hide the tears that were escaping from my eyes.

" I'll be right there."