Love Restrained | Yellowjackets

chapter twenty nine

XXIX

Seating by the window, Natalie was completely spaced out, staring outside as she took her early tea. That was becoming part of her routine, feeling out of place all the time, not able to pay attention to things, not really able to sleep or to feel any type of comfort.

As she finished her tea, she noticed that someone had joined her, she just didn't really
know if Lottie was seated there for a while or if she had just got there.

"How are you feeling today?" Lottie asked in almost a whisper, like she was afraid of talking to Natalie.

"Wonderful." She forced a smile, sighing as she got up, not wanting to talk to anyone, especially not to Lottie.

"Are you leaving already?" But knowing Lottie, Natalie already expected her to try to engage in a conversation.

"Yeah." She answered dryly, placing her mug on the table a little harder than planned.

"Don't you think that maybe you should take a little break?" The question came out cautiously.

"What?"

"You know, you spend the whole day out. You only come back when it's dark and the weather is severe..."

"I'll be fine."

"You will get sick like this." Lottie looked at her in concern.

"I don't care." And it was true, there was only one thing Natalie cared about at this point.

"We need you, Nat."

"Well, and I need to do this." She hoped the talk would be over and made her way to the cabin's door.

"Wait-" Lottie grabbed her arm, stopping her from going.

"Look, you can come with me if you want but I won't stay here." She let out before Lottie could say anything.

"You need to rest." The look on her face was a serious one. She knew Natalie wasn't taking her seriously.

"I can't, Lottie. I can't rest, I can't relax, I can't even sleep anymore." It was so frustrating that Natalie couldn't bring herself to face Lottie, afraid that she would start crying.

"I know this is hard, ok? Trust me." Lottie still had a hold on her arm.

"I don't think you do."

"She was my best friend."

"She is your best friend." Nat hissed, shoving Lottie's hand off her "It's not like she's dead."

The girl took a step back with the sudden change of mood. Natalie opened the door and was ready to go out but hesitated for a moment. She turned to Lottie once again.

"I don't understand why you act like everything is fine, like we just have to wait and she'll eventually come around."

"Listen, the wilderness is-" She tried to explain but immediately knew she had chosen the wrong words. The Wilderness was a sensitive topic for Natalie.

"Oh, fuck this." Nat closed the door on Lottie's face.

Finally outside, she took a deep breath, still by the door, closing her eyes and inhaling as much air as she could hoping it would make all the stress go away. But it didn't.

The extremely cold air that hit her face the moment she stepped out almost made her go back in. That was another thing that frustrated her, never getting used to the cold. It's been months now but it didn't get any easier. It actually seemed to get worse every day.