Tacoma Falls: Wild Horses

Forgiveness

Amber

It's said forgiveness isn't for other people; it's for yourself. You learn to forgive, release the anger, and move forward. It took many therapy sessions to understand the concept of forgiveness.

But it didn't mean I forgave Satan for what he had done to me. How could I forgive him for the abuse he inflicted on me? Can you ever forgive someone like that? If you say yes, you're a bigger person than me.

I didn't forgive Satan but myself for allowing the manipulation and abuse to happen. I had to understand I was angry at myself for believing Satan's lies and trusting him when I shouldn't have. I should followed my gut instinct. It never steered me wrong. I was the one who chose to ignore it.

Did I love Satan? Looking back, I didn't. I don't know why I dated him before moving into his house. He didn't offer any decent qualities if you think about it.

I spent months dealing with a narcissistic abuser. Once I escaped, I spent more time dealing with the aftermath. My trust in people was nil. My friends and family had to work with me on this issue. Grayson was my biggest champion. Yep, he screwed up at times, but he learned from his mistakes.

Grayson had to help me unlearn all the horrible behavior that Satan had taught me, like loving myself. I had to learn my spirit was what kept me alive and going.

It took time, but I got better.

We arrived at the house with the horse trailer and got out. As I approached Phoenix, Grayson opened the back door and soothed his restlessness like Dalton taught me. Once I calmed Phoenix down, I led him from the trailer to the stable, where Grayson had a door open. I walked him inside, removed the harness, and left him to his new home.

Grayson closed the gate and latched it. "You did good, Wild Filly."

I fed Phoenix a carrot before walking out of the stable with Grayson. "It's taken time, but I'm learning."

Grayson glanced at me with a raised brow as we sat on the back porch.

"I'm learning to understand myself better. People questioned why I stayed with someone like Satan. What they didn't realize, I also questioned it. I asked all the same questions those same people did. If I couldn't answer mine, how could I answer theirs? Why should I answer to them, anyway? They didn't endure what I did. Only people who have been through it would understand my reasoning for staying."

"People don't understand what they've never experienced. It's easier to judge than understand."

"People don't realize how damaging it is to judge someone for their choices. Right or wrong, it still isn't helpful to the person. We already beat ourselves up enough. We don't need people to add to it. It's bad enough we're fighting for our lives. Why make it worse?"

"Good question. What is it you want, Wild Filly?"

"I want people to understand life isn't simple. You can't wave a magic wand and fix everything. A little understanding would be nice."

"Okay. What is it you want from me?"

"I want you to keep doing what you're doing." My lips curled slightly.

*******
Grayson

I understood what Amber meant. She wanted me to learn from my mistakes and understand her better. I'm working at it while spending time with her and reading. I also met with a counselor to gain insight on how to help Amber. The counselor suggested we attend a support group for domestic abuse victims. So, we did.

At first, the lady hesitated at my appearance since the support group had women. Amber and I explained why I wanted to attend. I wanted insight on how to help Amber. The lady agreed if I sat off to the side and only listened. Her priority was the women of the group. If they didn't want me there, I had to leave. I agreed.