The Quiet Kind Of Beauty -Marauder Era

Chapter 16

"Fear will be the death of me,
Fear leads to anxiety,
Don't know what's inside me,
Don't forget about me,
[...]
I'm no good without you."
-Doubt, twenty one pilots


Clara felt as if someone was holding her in a choke hold from the moment she got up. It was actually the reason she woke up in the first place, because if she could, she would've slept through the entire day. Her lungs expanded when they took in gulps of air, and then shriveled whenever she exhaled, and stayed in that position until she was coughing like an elderly woman with asthma. Her heart was pounding, as if the blood cells travelling through her veins suddenly grew legs and were stampeding all over her body.

As much as her heart pleaded with her to stay in bed, to forget about the exams, she managed to drag herself out of bed at six-forty-five. Sunlight shot through the windows, burning her eyes and dousing her dorm in liquid fire.

She got ready in record speed, braiding her wild curls into a thick plait before gently nudging Lily awake. "Wake up, Lily." She murmured, "It's test day."

~*~
"Clara."

"Hmm?"

"You haven't touched your breakfast."

"I know, Lily. I just want to finish this chapter." Clara sighed, setting her Transfiguration textbook.

Lily outstretched her hand, palm up. "Hand the book over before I take it by force." She threatened. With a defeated sigh, Clara handed the hardcover book into Lily's dainty hands.

"Happy?" She questioned in annoyance.

"Very much, now start eating." Lily instructed with a roll of her green eyes.

Clara buttered her toast uneasily, and someone - someone who smelled really good- slid in to the seat next to her.

"Mornnnnnning." Sirius drawled, a playful smile lighting his face.

"Good morning." Lily smiled back.

"Morning." Clara greeted moodily, throwing a dirty look at Lily, and a lingering one at her textbook.

Sirius blinked, looking in between the two in confusion. "Do I want to ask?" He asked cautiously.

Lily huffed and crossed her arms. "Can you please tell Clara that last-minute studying isn't going to help ease her anxiety!" She exclaimed. "Not only is she stressing herself out, but she's stressing me out too!"

"I didn't ask but alright." Sirius joked uneasily and turned towards Clara. "Clara, stop stressing yourself out."

"I'm not stressed!" Clara protested angrily.

"Are you sure?" Lily scoffed with disbelief. "Because the way you were acting last-"

Something inside her snapped like a twig, and Clara's face filled with colour, rising to her feet. "Well maybe if you would stop sticking your nose in my business, you wouldn't have seen me that way!"

Lily raised her chin. "It doesn't change the fact that it still happened! You're driving yourself crazy, Clara." She reasoned, keeping her voice in an undertone. Their dispute was starting to attract the attention of their peers.

"I'm fine!" Clara retaliated, feeling unusually warm, and not in the good way. She took a deep breath, trying to water down her anger. "I'm going to the washroom." She muttered, standing up and climbing over the bench she was sitting on. Sirius and Lily watched her leave in silence; Lily in a guilty one, and Sirius in a slightly shocked one.

"Hey, is Clara... okay?" Sirius asked in a soft, worried tone. His brows pulled together as Lily sighed and looked at her hands, her auburn hair casting a shadow on her face.

"No, I don't think she is, Sirius."

~*~
Clara hid herself from her friends until the doors of the Great Hall opened to admit the seventh year students into the exam hall. She tried to steer away from Lily, but she soon realized she'd be sitting to her right during the examination.

As she took her seat, crossing her ankles under her desk, she made sure to angle away from the redhead to avoid any communication for the time being.

From behind her back, Lily shot Sirius (who was sitting in front of Clara) a nervous glance. Sirius nodded back to her, silently saying, "Don't worry, I got this".

He swiveled in his seat, throwing his legs around the back of the chair and resting his chin on the back. "Hi," He began.

Clara looked at him briefly from arranging her quills, before returning her attention back to her desk without a word.

From beside her, Lily shot him a frantic look.

Sirius ignored her and pulled a book from his bag and offered it to Clara. "I got your textbook back from Evans," He said gently. "I got James to distract her with a morning snog so I could pull it out of her bag." He joked.

Clara looked up for real this time, eyeing the glossy cover of the book before she raised her hand and took it from him.

"Thank you," She mumbled quietly, her eyes scanning the information as she flipped through the pages.

"No problem. Do you want to do a bit of last minute studying before McGonagall decides to yell at us?" He offered, smiling in a way that made Clara's insides calm down just a little. He figured that it probably wasn't the best idea to probe her for information about her current state of happiness given the circumstance.

She straightened her back and nodded. "Sure," She agreed in relief. "I'll quiz and you'll answer?"

"Sounds cool, but I gotta warn you; don't get disappointed when I end up answering every question correct." Sirius winked.

For the first time in a while, a breathless laugh escaped her lips, and Sirius just about melted right then and there because he, Sirius Black, had made Clara laugh for the first time this morning.

"You're such a jerk," Clara teased.

From the corner of his eye, Sirius saw Lily breathe out in relief. "Yeah, but you know I'm right," He insisted with a chuckle.

Clara rolled her eyes. "We'll see about that." She grinned, gently hitting the top of his head with her textbook before opening it to a random chapter.

As she quizzed him, Sirius noted her shoulders becoming less tense, and her voice slipping into her usual soft, sweet tone.

To be completely honest with herself, she really hadn't doubted Sirius' intelligence. So when he answered every single question she threw at him correct, she wasn't really fazed until the very last question; a two part question that gave Clara a headache the first time she read it.

At first, Sirius blinked in confusion, then Clara could see him mentally picking out the important details of the question before coming up with an answer.

"That's... correct." Clara said, slightly amazing. She closed the textbook and leaned forward slightly on her desk. "I'm impressed,"

Sirius grinned. "Thank you, fair maiden, although I do remember telling you I'd get every one of the questions right..." He trailed off teasingly.

"Yes, yes. I was wrong, and you were right for once." Clara sighed.

"Care to give me a prize for my accomplishment?" He asked cockily.

Clara's brow quirked. "It depends on what you're asking for."

Sirius opened his mouth to answer, only to get cut off by McGonagall's stern voice.

"Alright, students!" She called, her voice ringing through the hall and silencing all of the students' conversations. "Take your seats. Face forward. From this point on, there is no talking permitted," She ordered, looking at the seventh years from the above the rim of her glasses. With a wave of her wand, the test booklets rose in the air unsuspended and began handing themselves out to all the students. "Any student caught performing the before mentioned actions will be removed from the examination completely, and their test results will not be accounted for." She paused, glancing at the clock. "Don't bother with attempting to cheat; the hall is under an anti-cheating charm and will therefore render all actions useless." She paused once again, looking at the clock. "You may now begin."

~*~

At first Clara stared at her test paper, her mind running wild. As the sand began filling the bottom of the hourglass at the front of the room, she slowly forced herself to inhale and exhale to clear her head. Then, she began to write.

The complexity of the questions had first startled her as she went deeper into the test, but she kept herself from panicking. One by one, she read, comprehended, and filled out answers on her answer sheet.

With five minutes remaining, she closed her test book and leaned against her chair, sighing with relief. Immediately, her test paper rose and flew onto McGonagall's desk, where she immediately began marking her answers.

~*~

When the sand ran out, McGonagall rose from her desk. "Alright, time is up. Please remain seated until I collect all of your test books." She instructed, waving her wand as she spoke. All the test books rose, and more than a couple of students' quills slid off the answer sheets, halfway through a sentence.

When all the books were collected, McGonagall informed them that they were free to leave.

Everyone made a dash for the exit, except for Clara and a few others who waited until the rush had cleared out. As she walked out of the exam hall, she felt as if she had been forced to run a marathon. A headache pounded against her skull, and the sunlight only intensified it. To her surprise, Sirius was leaning against the stone walls waiting for her.

"How was it?" He asked.

Clara shrugged, fiddling with the strap of her bag. "It was difficult, but we expected that." She replied.

"No, how do you think you did?" Sirius corrected himself, running a hand through his dark hair.

Clara shrugged, "I don't know. It was easier than I expected it to be, but it was still difficult. What about you?"

Sirius nodded. "I almost cried."

Clara gave him a questioning look, but it was more worried than teasing. "Really?"

"No." Sirius grinned. "But I did feel like I had personally offended the test makers into making this horrid exam."

Clara laughed, shaking her head in amusement. "I'm pretty sure we all felt that way." As they began walking outside, Clara felt the need to thank him.

"Hey, thank you for bringing my book back," She began quietly. "And for, you know, making sure I didn't have a mental breakdown."

Sirius shrugged and tossed a lazy arm around her shoulders, and the butterflies fluttered like crazy in her stomach. "It's no problem, Clare." He said, grinning at her lopsidedly. "Besides, I missed seeing you smile,"

She blushed a light pink, and laughed lightly. "You're such a flirt."

Sirius turned to wink at her, the faintest blush on his high cheekbones. "Yeah, but you love it." He replied cockily, tugging on a strand of her hair that had escaped her loose braid.

Clara's smile turned into a scowl, whacking his hand away. "You're also insufferable and cocky,"

Sirius gasped and retracted his arm. "Rude!"

Clara rolled her eyes with a smile and switched the topic. "Anyways, where are the others?"

Sirius pouted and crossed his arms. "By the lake. I think they're doing a group study for the Charms test."

Clara nodded to herself. "That's a good idea, let's go join them."

"Don't you think you're... over-studying?" Sirius hadn't meant to blurt it out, but his mouth had suddenly stopped taking orders from his brain.

Clara paused in the middle of the hallway and stared at him with a look of disbelief. "Not you too!"

"Think about it!" He hurried. "You've basically been studying nonstop for the past two weeks! You've got to take time off for yourself once in a while."

"Come on!" Clara groaned. "Sirius, do you even understand how important these exams are?!"

Sirius clenched his jaw defiantly. "Of course I do, but this isn't about the exams. It about your health, Clara!" He hesitated for just a second before continuing. "Lily's told me everything. She says you don't sleep until it's like, three a.m, and you've been running on coffee for the last twenty four hours..." He trailed off when he saw the look on Clara's face.

Her lips where pressed together in a thin line, and her blue eyes were glassy. "What else did she tell you?" She muttered angrily, clenching her hands into a fist.

Sirius hesitated once more before replying. "She also told me about last night and you're... anxiety attack... We're worried about you, Clare." He reasoned softly, taking a step towards her.

Clara turned to face away from Sirius' worried eyes. "Well you don't have to worry, I'm fine." She replied, ice frosting her tone. "Now, if you won't mind, I'm going back to my dorm." She turned around quickly, and took one step forward before being stopped by Sirius' long fingers tugging on her own smaller, thin ones.

When her steps paused, he stepped forward and laced his fingers through hers more confidently. "Let me come with you," He offered, a slightly pleading edge to his tone. "I promise I won't bother you."

Clara shut her eyes and took a deep breath. "James and the other guys must be waiting for you, you shouldn't keep them waiting." She murmured quietly.

"They'll understand, you're more important right now." He reassured her.

Clara turned to give him a look he couldn't quite decipher before shaking her head lightly, a warm breeze making the loose strands of her hair dance.

The corners of Sirius' lips tugged downward. "At least allow me to walk you to the common room." He persisted.

Clara's shoulders sagged. "Alright," She said with a defeated sigh. She let go of Sirius' fingers, much to his displeasure, and crossed her arms over her chest.

It wasn't much, but at least Sirius could try to improve her mood until they reached the common room. Maybe even improve it enough so that she would let him accompany her.

Using her free hand she massaged her temple to try to ease her ever-growing headache.

Clara let Sirius lead the way so that she could silently rage behind him without him knowing. Of course she understood that she was being slightly overdramatic by not talking to Sirius, but as much as she hated to admit it, her pride had been hurt.

Clara had always been known as the one who would listen to other people's problems, and help them get through whatever they might be going through; but now that Clara was that person, she had no idea how to express herself. So instead she thought it'd be better if she just kept silent, and tried to work out her problems by herself. That, obviously, was not the right thing to do, given the circumstances.

Clara looked up at the back of Sirius' head and felt guilt ebb her anger. He and Lily have noticed her silent turmoil and are offering their help, but all she's done to repay them is shut the door in their faces and locked them out. With a sigh, she made up her mind.

"Um, Sirius?" She started, unfolding her arms so that she could brush her fingers against his, telling him to stop.

He turned to her with a quizzical expression, nodding to let her know to continue. His intense grey eyes watched her curiously.

"You can... you can stay if you want," She continued, somewhat shy under his eyes.

His features became surprised. "Really?" His face spilt into a wide grin. "Thanks, Clare."

"Clara." She corrected automatically, a smile searching its way onto her face.

Sirius reached his hand up to tug on her curls again out of habit, but Clara called his actions. She slid her fingers in between his, the gentle smile Sirius loved so much gracing her features.

"Come on, no dillydallying," She teased half-heartedly. "We have a lot of studying to do."

She led the way this time, saying the password to the portrait of the Fat Lady and climbing into the Gryffindor common room. She let go of his hand so she could stand on the stairs that lead to the girls' dormitories so that they wouldn't collapse into a slide the moment Sirius stepped on them. As Sirius passed her, he offered her a breathtaking smile, and her brain might've short-circuited if he had made eye contact any longer.

When he was at the very top, Clara allowed herself to follow his footsteps. The landing at the top was narrow, their chests brushing as Clara passed him to lead him to the dorm that she and Lily occupied, hoping he didn't catch her flaming cheeks.

Sirius' heart couldn't help thud. What else was he supposed to feel like when the girl of his dreams invited him to her room? His mind wandered at the possibilities that could occur, even though he understood that the chances of them happening were very slim.

I'm such a downer on myself, he thought to himself. I mean, there is a chance that she likes me back and wants to snog me as much as I want to snog her, even though it is a small chance.

As his thoughts slowed his steps down, Clara opened the door to her dorm and walked in, dropping her bag on her bed.

"Your dorm is so much cleaner than mine," Sirius said in amazement, looking around. "How do girls do that?"

Clara grinned, leaning against the backboard of her bed. "Actually, my side of the room would be really messy if it hadn't been for Lily; she hates when there's a mess,"

Sirius barked out a laugh. "I wonder how James and Evans ever get along. James is a complete slob," He said in amusement.

Clara shrugged. "Beats me, although it may have something to do with James' abs,"

Sirius turned to give her a confused look. "What?"

Clara shook her head and grinned. "Nothing, you wouldn't get it."

Sirius pouted, now intrigued. "Come on, tell me! I want to know!"

Clara shook her head again, amused. "Sorry, it's girl code. I can't tell you,"

Sirius pouted before his eyes glinted mischievously as he advanced towards Clara's small frame. "Tell me, or I'll tickle you."

Clara stopped laughing. "You wouldn't dare,"

Sirius smirked. "Try me."

Clara crossed her arms, raising her chin defiantly. "I'm not going to tell you," She repeated.

Sirius grinned slyly and launched himself towards her, tickling the area above her waist.

Clara shrieked, and slapped his hands. "Sirius!" She laughed, backing into the headboard.

Sirius grinned innocently. "What?"

She stopped laughing long enough to focus on something behind Sirius in confusion. "What's that?"

Sirius turned around to look at where Clara's eyes were before realizing his mistake. Clara ducked under his arms and ran towards Lily's bed, panting and laughing. "You're so gullible!" She wheezed, her cheeks a lively red.

She put her hands on her knees, and tried to steady her erratic breathing before making her way back to her own bed where Sirius was leaning against the back board in amusement. "You're so adorable." He chuckled.

Clara blushed. "No I'm not. I'm a reincarnation of death; you need to fear me." She joked, shrugging off her cloak and setting it down on her trunk.

"Prove it." Sirius challenged smugly.

"I'd rather not break your flimsy bones." Clara shrugged, gesturing his athletic build.

"My bones are not flimsy."

"You're right, they're fragile."

The words had just left her mouth before she found herself pinned under Sirius on her bed, who had a smug look on his face again.

"You were saying?" He asked lowly, focusing his deep eyes on hers.

Clara blushed deeply. "Nothing," She said breathlessly, unable to look away.

Sirius leaned in closer, until his nose brushed against Clara's, who was barely breathing. "You sure?" He murmured deeply, his breath fanning across her lips.

She only nodded, not trusting her voice.

Sirius smirked and ducked his lips to her the corner of her lips, pressing a butterfly kiss there before climbing off of her hips. He looked down her in amusement, running a hand through his hair and tousling his dark hair. "Shall we study now?"

Clara let her eyes slip close and forced herself to breath.

May Merlin have mercy on my pure thoughts.

NO MORE HIATUS, YAYYY!

Hello, readers! How have you all been? Sorry for the delayed update; school was a murder on my ability to write so I decided I would update once school ended and my writing returned back to normal.

All I can really say about this chapter is that things escalated quickly and I didn't really proof read this. Also, I may or may not have let my Sirius Black feels get the best of me while writing this chapter. Anyways, comments on things you liked/didn't like are always appreciated.

Stay sweet, guys. I'll see you guys soon. :*