Destroy me

16

I put Hanni in my arms and carried her to the bedroom. She had fallen asleep on the couch as we were watching the movie. She had been tired all day long, so it didn't take long for her to fall into a deep sleep.

I placed her in my bed and tucked her in, putting the blanket over her. Her eyes blinked open, "mommy.." she mumbled. I planted a kiss on her forehead and rubbed her head.

"Just go back to sleep baby, I'll be right back okay?" I said, planting another kiss on her forehead. Her eyes shut and she didn't respond back. I sighed and walked out the room and into the kitchen.

My body feels so tense, everything hurts. My back is aching and my head hurts like a bitch. Today has just been entirely too much. I'm just a girl.

I walked over to the stove and reached for the cabinet above. Just what I needed right now. My personal stash of wine. The only things I've spent a crazy amount of money on.

I picked up my favorite bottle, Domaine de la Romanée-Conti 1945. It costs over half a million dollars.

This collection I have is worth a lot of money. The only reason I didn't worry about spending so much on them was because they didn't even make a dent on the money Ryujin gave me.

I was also very careful with purchasing them. Cash only transactions in person. Couldn't risk anything of course.

I placed the wine bottle on the counter and went to fetch my wine glass. I grabbed the glass from the very back of the cabinet and placed it on the counter. I opened up the bottle of wine and poured myself a decent amount.

I've gotten a really bad habit of drinking slightly after Hanni goes to sleep. Over time it's just become a daily routine. Of course I only drink at night time, since I don't want to set a bad example for my daughter. I enjoy it very much, especially when I'm frustrated.

I pulled up the glass to my lips and breathed in the rich scent of the wine. I swirled it a little before taking a sip. The liquid sat in my mouth for a few seconds, letting me take in all of its flavor before slowly sliding down my throat. I sighed in satisfaction.

Once I finished the glass, I grabbed the bottle and took it to the living room. I'm not about to drink and stand.

I plopped down on the couch, I started to unbutton my shirt. I want to be comfortable right now, and this button up was not helping.

As I took out the last few buttons I remembered where I got this shirt. I had stolen this from Ryujin's closet the day she sent me away. Hesitantly, I pulled the shirts collar up to my nose and breathed in.

I let go of the shirt and chuckled. God, what the fuck am I doing, it's been years. How would it smell like her, and why do I want it to.. so badly.

I poured myself some more wine and took another gulp. I closed my eyes and rubbed my forehead. She left, even when I asked her to stay. Both times. I'm so obsessed with her for no reason.

The only time we've even had a real talk about us was that night on the hill. When she took me to the lake.

That night is a night I'll never forget. She carried me up a hill to the most beautiful place I've ever seen. After talking about literally anything. She confessed her feelings for me. That night, we had made love until daybreak. It wasn't just sex that day. It was different.

I remember the way we had held each other. The way she whispered sweet words into my ear. The way she kissed me so passionately. The view of the lake and nature around us. It was pure. She made me feel like I was the only girl in the world. I had actually gained feelings for her that day.