jegulus ♡

Chapter 5: Panic

Regulus’s heart pounded in his chest, the sensation of panic overwhelming him. He was used to maintaining an impenetrable façade, one that had rarely been breached—until now. The fact that Barty and Evan had seen through him so easily rattled him. How had he become so transparent? Only Sirius had ever managed to unravel him like this, and now, he was haunted by the thought that his secret was laid bare.

The realization struck him with a chilling clarity. Had he really been so obvious? The thought gnawed at him. He felt a sudden urge to escape, to find solace in the darkest corner of the castle. Maybe the Astronomy Tower, high above, would offer a temporary refuge. No—too dramatic.

Regulus forced himself to slow down. The anxiety gripping him was suffocating. He needed to regain control.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Inhale.

Exhale.

Gradually, he found his breathing evening out, the erratic rhythm of panic giving way to a more controlled pace. His mind raced with thoughts of what he could control, what he could still manage.

In truth, the only area where he felt genuinely capable was in bed. The girls seemed to think he was exceptional, and though the legality of their encounters was questionable, it wasn’t something that troubled Lucius Malfoy or, apparently, Amos Diggory. Regulus had long stopped worrying about what was permissible and what was not.

He shook off the intrusive thoughts, trying to refocus. His surroundings came back into view as he walked alongside Evan and Barty. For some reason, Rabastan Lestrange had joined them, another of Barty’s close friends—“bestie” as Evan liked to call him.

It struck Regulus as odd that Rabastan was part of their group, but he pushed the thought aside. In the grand scheme of things, it didn’t matter. The disarray of his internal world was far more pressing than the logistics of who walked beside him.

Regulus’s steps were mechanical, his mind still preoccupied with the unease of his earlier exposure. He could still feel the weight of his own vulnerability pressing down on him, like a tangible force. The thorns of his metaphorical rose seemed sharper than ever, threatening to cut at the very fabric of his self-assured exterior.

As he walked, Regulus struggled to regain a semblance of control. The turmoil within him was at odds with the casual chatter around him. The dichotomy of his feelings and the normalcy of his surroundings felt like an insurmountable gulf. Yet, he continued to move forward, each step a battle against the rising tide of panic that threatened to engulf him.