Blue Fire

13 | A Sign

Nicole

There were many places to hide in Hamilton High, but I stuck to the library.

It was the most convenient place, and at least I got to busy myself with research, assignments, and poring through dance magazines as the week droned on miserably.

One dance magazine was opened before me, and I stared at the ethereal pictures of dancers in motion from all genres: ballet, hip-hop, contemporary, et cetera.

There were tips on how to improve your grace and steps, and I was seriously trying to read, but the information was simply impossible to absorb. Not with how crowded my mind already was.

I couldn't forget the fight with Dylan in the hallway, no matter how much I tried. The more the scene replayed in my mind in that aggravating loop, the more I thought of all the insults I could've hurled at him, and it just made me madder.

I knew he was simply trying to rile me up and be an ass, but this ego of mine? It was so bruised. And I was traumatized because the fuck? I wish I'd had the strength so I could've beaten him up that day.

And as for Colin, I had no words.

I wanted to punch him so hard for telling people about how much of a bad kisser I was. To think that I enjoyed that kiss so much. I stupidly thought it had been magical. But it meant nothing to him, and the thought made my throat tighten.

It was probably all for the best that I'd realized the kind of guy he was, I comforted myself with the thought. At least I wouldn't be clutching my chest at night thinking of all the what could've beens.

Jahdiel looked better. I caught glimpses of her with Marilyn and Merlinda at school. Her hair was twisted into a french braid sometimes, revealing her face, and she didn't suffocate herself with her blazer anymore.

It made me relieved, but that didn't mean I was willing to be near her anytime soon. I was apparently not needed, and that was fine even if it really wasn't. She could freely roam the school with Merlinda as much as she wanted for all I cared. I got the hint she clearly gave me, and I was determined to stay away.

Furiously, I flipped the magazine, pushed my reading glasses up my nose, and ree-fused to think of Travis.

He hadn't texted me even once since the night he drove me home. I'm supposed to feel okay, considering I actually asked him to leave me alone, but why am I feeling so sad?

And I missed him, even if I refused to admit it. I missed the way he made me feel, even though I didn't approve of those feelings. It was slowly driving me closer and closer to an asylum, and for the first time in my life, I'd never felt so torn and conflicted.

You want something you don't want.

That's wrong. I know I want him. Very much.

So, you want something you can't have?

Or you have something you can't want?

Groaning, I pushed the confusing thoughts to the back of my mind and tried to focus more on what I was reading. Building on my feelings for him was only going to hurt me in the end, and I was simply tired of hurting.

From the corner of my eye, I saw a brunette approaching my table. I buried my nose deeper into my magazine, willing the universe to hide me from any human gaze.

"You looked so hot when you shoved Dylan against that locker in the hallway!" Her yell received many disapproving looks from the students trying to study, including the librarian.

I giggled. "Trust me, my blood was hot and boiling." To think he'd said I was "cold as ice" when I'd been wanting to erupt like a volcano.

"Redheads are so sexy with their tempers." Katie slid into the seat across from me with a dreamy sigh. Then paused to take in my appearance. "Damn, girl, you look exhausted."