Comrades (Key)

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There he was, standing three feet away from you. A genuine smile spread across his face, his eyes only on you. It seemed that nothing else  but you mattered in his eyes. The way he was looking at you filled your heart with an indescribable joy that only you could understand. 

     For years Key had been one of your closest comrades. You met your freshman year in high school. He was always the quiet kid, only laughed here and there, but always there for any  of his friends, which of course included you. Not many traits were shared between you two; you were obnoxious, he was subdued.  
     As the years progressed you found yourself learning more about him. The way he'd say asshole things under his breath that were hilarious, the way he gently nibbled on his food to not attract much attention to himself, that his favorite color was black, and he had killer taste in music. 

        Eight years later and you were completely, and utterly in love with Key. It wasn't as much of  a "Oh wow, I'm in love with Key!" it was more of a "Holy shit, have I been in love with him the whole time!?" kind of realization.  

It dawned on you when you both decided to see The Avengers 2. It wasn't like the other times you two hung out,  it was just a party of two. For the first time. Not only did it feel like it was a date, but it felt like an awkward first date for sixteen year olds.  
      You shared an armrest, which would seem as nothing special. Yet it wasn't.  With every little movement he did you felt this weird, anxious excitement. You would gently lean on his arm and it filled you up with this warmth, this great feeling of glee and comfort. This was something your twenty-two year old self wasn't accustomed to. It was different.  It was Key. Key wasn't someone you would have normally been attracted to romantically. Of course he was handsome, intelligent, and an overall great person, but above all else, he was your FRIEND. 
       As he pulled over around the curve, and stopped at your house, you wanted to do something. Kiss him? Hold his hand? Something to let him know how you were feeling.  You couldn't bring yourself to. He was your friend  for fuck's  sake. You couldn't make things awkward because of a little impulse feeling. You ignored your romantic urges and settled for the regular hugs you shared. And again, it was different that time. The feeling of his arms around your back, your chin hooked over his shoulder, it all carried a different emotion. Something had changed. 

"Let's go, we're going to be late," Key called from a distance. 

You chased after him, "wait for me!" 

He reached out for your hand as soon as you reached him, and he tangled his fingers with yours, clasping your hand as if to stop every force of the universe from tearing you apart. 

"I've been wanting to do this for a long time, ____________", he smiled that sweet smile you had become so accustomed to. 

"What?" you shook your head in confusion. "What are you talking about?" 

He bowed his head to yours and gently planted a tender kiss on your lips. "You've always been beautiful." 

You stood there, aghast. What the hell was going on? What was he thinking?  You were friends! 

You tried to keep things as they were with Key. You decided to keep your strange feelings for him hidden from everyone. They couldn't know they'd make a big deal out of it, and probably tell him themselves. Key didn't seem to notice, or at least he was making it seem that way. 
       It was a painful thing to do. Holding in such strong feelings no one knew existed. It was a problem you decided to deal by yourself. 

If you told him it would go one of two ways. One, he'd be happily surprised, because of course the feelings were mutual. Or two. He didn't want anything other than a platonic friendship with you.                     "I'm flattered, but I just don't feel the same as you, I'm sorry," he'd say.
Things would change.  The friendship that had taken you so long to build would crash. Key would be uncomfortable, you would not only be heartbroken, but also at fault for ever saying anything. In a matter of months your friendship had completely deteriorated. You'd never speak to him again. 

 You didn't know what to do. To tell or not to tell. 

"I love you," you said against your will.

"I know," he kissed you again, deeper, with more insistence. "I've always loved you."

This beautiful sentiment washed over your entire being. Something unlike anything else. A feeling of belonging to someone, the right someone, and having someone to love without limitations.

Key pulled away, grinning the fourteen year old Key smile that was your first memory of him.

"I'm never going to let you go," he promised.

You turned to your side, trying to go back to that sweet, precious dream that only came around ever so often.  It never worked, no matter how hard you closed your eyes, how much you thought of him, nothing. Those dreams came and went occasionally as a painful reminder. And every time you woke up it was the same damn thing. 
         The joyful, loving feelings you experienced in your dreams disappeared in an instant, and were replaced by the crippling realization of your actual, saddened state. You woke up feeling hollow, your heart void.
   Tears rolled naturally down your cheeks, which you didn't bother to wipe away. There was no point, you were going to continue weeping. 

Key was gone. He had moved to pursue his career long ago. He was so excited about the move, he told you all about it. You did nothing but encourage him, and show him your wholehearted support. 

He left without knowing. 

It was impossible for you to forget. How could you? These dreams haunted you several times a week. They tricked you into thinking that what you were seeing, experiencing, was in fact real. They were always so vivid. You could feel Key's soft lips on yours, his distinct scent, the sunlight of an August afternoon, it was all there. Picture perfect. 

At least in your dreams you could be with him. And only then. 

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I'm sorry if it's too short/not well written. I am a bit rusty, and this is is something quite personal that was a little hard to write. TMI, I know. 


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