i took one last look at the blue box to get the bottle of pills.
i poured about 10 into my hand. i
i take a glance down to my phone, and dial the number of my best friend.
i waited and cried whilst i waited for her to answer.
it was early morning, and she never answered.
it went to voicemail.
"hey. hi. hello.-"
my voice was quiet and faint. i could barely get noise out.
"um, i, i'm not too sure why i called you, i just wanted to tell you that i'm leaving tonight. i'm not strong enough for this. it, it hurts too much. i'm not worth living. i hurt too many people. i make too many mistakes. i, i am just a fuck up. i'm so sorry for ever hurting you, for ever making you feel like shit. i really love you and care about you, i'm sorry for leaving. i've been so distant with you recently, i'm so sorry. but don't worry, you'll forget me eventually. i'm unneeded and unwanted, i'm not worth being here. please don't waste your time remembering me. you honestly don't need to. goodbye."
i thought i would be able to do this.
i thought i would be strong enough to stay.
i took a deep breath and swallowed the pills, grabbing the glass of water on my table so i could get them down easier.
i couldn't help but think how little my disappearance would affect everyone. no one would even notice that i left.
"finally. that annoying girl is finally gone."
"thank god, i no longer have tons disappointed in anyone."
that's all people would say.
my stomach was burning in pain. quickly afterward, the pain spread throughout my body. my head began to hurt like hell, my vision was so blurry, and i felt so weak.
i took one last look in the mirror, and i smiled. the mascara rolled down my face for the last time. my arm was bleeding, and i got lightheaded, falling to the floor.
i closed my eyes and i was finally at peace. i was no longer hurting, and i was okay.
