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24. Marilyn - 2

March 2021,
Los Angeles, USA

I took a seat on the couch and patted the space next to me, inviting her.

Smiling, she rose from the barstool and walked over to me, and took a seat by my side. She leaned in and placed a soft kiss on the corner of my mouth. "I'm all ears."

Alya had an idea of what was going on in my head. She knew I was struggling and she had been the one who had to listen to me rant and vent. And she always listened to me patiently without giving me a lot of advice. She did say things that made me feel better but she never outright told me what she thought about it and what she thought I should do. I know that she was letting me make my own choice and not influencing my thoughts with her opinion. I really appreciated it. And now, I had finally made up my mind.

"I've been thinking...and...I want to drop out."

I waited for the expression on her face to change but it remained the same. So, I continued. "I'm not enjoying this course. I feel like I'm putting in lots of time, money, and effort into something that I don't even like, into something I hate more and more every day. I don't want to take over the family business. In fact, I have absolutely zero interest in it." Saying everything I had been struggling to accept for so long out loud felt better than I could have ever imagined. "I want to become a chef. I want to open my own restaurant."

A small smile had crept up on Alya's face. "I had been waiting for this moment for a while now."

"What?!"

"You're miserable, Jay," she said softly. "The only reason you picked this major was that you thought that you have to do it because that is what is expected out of you. You believed it so much that everyone else around you did too."

"Everyone except you."

"I only realized that you don't want to be a part of your family business a few months ago. I think deep down, that's when you started realizing it too."

"I did." I nodded. "I just wasn't ready to accept it."

"Now you are."

"Now I am," I confirmed. "But before making a decision, I wanted to talk to Dad." I had looked up to him all my life and his opinion mattered to me. I knew that he wanted me to join the family business once I was done with college and take over when the time came. But I hoped that he would understand my perspective and support me in whatever I chose to do.

"How did it go?" she asked, but her expression said that she already knew.

"Not well. He got upset and then we got into a fight." I had never really gotten into a fight with Dad. I was always the good kid who did the right thing. I didn't give him very many reasons to get mad at me. And when I decided to do the one thing I really wanted to do for the first time in my life, he wasn't being supportive. That stung.

She placed her hand on my forearm and rubbed it soothingly. "What did he say?"

"He's disappointed that I want to quit. And he cannot fathom the fact that I have no interest in joining the family business."

"Dropping out isn't quitting, Jay. I think it is very brave of you to chase after your dreams."

"Doesn't feel like it." I sighed. "Dad said that I'm simply having a tough time at college and want to take the easy way out."

"I think people put their parents on a pedestal," she started. "Because I don't have the best set of parents, I have a different perspective that most people don't. Parents are just normal people winging this whole parenting thing. There's no right or wrong. They just do what they think is right and hope for the best. There's a good chance that they're wrong - they're humans after all." She shrugged. "As we grow older, we need to decide what's best for us ourselves. You're lucky to have amazing parents who help you navigate life. But they can only help you navigate based on what they've seen in their lives. Only you know your journey and destination. You need to take charge of your life and do what makes you happy, Jay."