"[...] it's like I'm sabotaging myself, like I want to stop myself from being happy, like I'm no longer allowed to be happy. A way to atone for my guilt."
Hyunjin after years of loneliness, fear and angst, decides to do something for himself for onc...
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Minho
"I'm gonna kiss you. Right now."
Hyunjin says nothing, as if unable to utter a word, his eyes widening. I perceive his astonishment, all my senses are alert to detect even the subtlest hesitation, the slightest sign of discomfort on his part.
Yet, there is nothing in his gaze but pure and absolute expectation.
His pupils dilate, his breathing stops. The water vapor due to the cold air stops escaping from our parted lips in the interminable seconds it takes me to bring my face closer to his, until we both release a trembling sigh caused by the the pounding beats of our hearts.
A sigh that is finally cut off by my lips on his.
The Earth stops turning, time freezes, the deadliest silence envelops us, sullied only by the sound of our breathing. The building could collapse beneath our feet and we would be left floating in the air totally unaware of our surroundings.
The moment my lips rest on Hyunjin's, so soft and warm despite the biting cold, my stomach starts doing somersaults and my heart races so fast that I almost fear it might leap out of my chest. It's a totally new, unknown, almost scary sensation. My head starts to spin and my hands move from his hips up his back, wrapping around him and holding onto his coat out of fear that my legs might give out at any moment.
Hyunjin seems to sense my daze and takes the initiative, starting to gently move his lips over mine in a kiss that has nothing erotic about it. It's just tenderness, fondness, devotion. Neither of us wants to rush. We both want to enjoy this magical moment, to make our lips, hitherto strangers, get to know each other.
I feel his hands imitating mine, grabbing my jacket and clinging to my back, not even a leaf could fit between us. Our lips separate just an inch as our faces change position, first to the right, then to the left, and back again in a perpetual dance, barely giving us time to catch our breath.
The initial bewilderment is turning into pure rapture. If I stop to think about what I'm doing and with whom I'm doing it, I feel like I could literally take flight. On more than one occasion I've fantasized about what it would be like to kiss Hyunjin, to possess those plump juicy lips, but this goes far beyond my expectations. I feel like my life so far has been on pause, waiting for someone to come along and finally press play. If I look back, I see nothing. I just know that his lips set my life in motion like a spell.
