"[...] it's like I'm sabotaging myself, like I want to stop myself from being happy, like I'm no longer allowed to be happy. A way to atone for my guilt."
Hyunjin after years of loneliness, fear and angst, decides to do something for himself for onc...
A/N: 9k words, 9k of pure torture and liberation. I could not wait to post this to finally move on and I hope you won't find it too messed up. Your comments are gold, but please, be gentle and respectful. Because this is all real. Thank you for your support and enjoy!
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Hyunjin
The music stops suddenly and in the room you can only hear the sound of my labored breathing and my steps as I move away from the wall of mirrors, slowly heading towards the judges with my head bowed, until I stop completely. I remain motionless, if it weren't for my lips parted due to my breathing and my chest rising and falling in a desperate search for oxygen. During the performance, I took off my cape throwing it to the floor towards Minho. The shirt, once tucked inside my trousers, came out completely and was almost undone, only one button was saved preventing my chest from being totally exposed. At the beginning of the choreography I tied my hair with the white satin ribbon but some strands escaped, framing my sweaty face.
After a few moments of silence, in which everyone in the room seems to have lost the ability to speak, the judges and our friends finally applaud. The former in a calm manner, the latter with stadium cheering, standing up and howling. Minho suddenly turns towards them, glaring at them all and they immediately fall silent while I can barely hold back a laugh, poorly concealed by my head still bowed and the locks of my hair partially covering my face.
When Minho hurries to the console to remove his cell phone from the speakers, I raise my head and relax my body, waiting for him to reach and stand next to me. While I button my shirt properly, I watch as the judges are scribbling I don't know what in a notebook, conversing among themselves. A few nods and a smug smile give me hope, but I'm careful not to get my hopes up and not to rejoice prematurely.
The first to speak is the CEO, who looks us both in the eye with a friendly smile, not pitying but full of respect.
"I won't deny that I'm impressed," he begins, showing a toothy smile, "Mr. Lee, the choreography is original, different from usual, complex, without downtime, studied in detail. Are you satisfied with your student's performance? Have you noticed any smudges?"
The question is clearly a trick, the two men are waiting for the answer, narrowing their eyes, curious to hear Minho's answer.
"Yes I am, I couldn't have done better myself," Minho responds, hands behind his back and chest out, tone of voice exuding pride and sincerity.
"I agree," the second judge chimes in, "Mr. Hwang has incredible stage presence. He didn't just dance, he played a role. Really interesting. Only downside, he should work more on his stamina."
I look down, feeling my cheeks heat up with shame.
"If I may," Minho replies, "Hwang Hyunjin is not a professional dancer. I asked him to perform for me because I saw his potential, but he started dancing less than a month ago after years of stopping. We know we have to work still a lot about stamina. It's not an excuse, but I think it's a factor to consider."
