"[...] it's like I'm sabotaging myself, like I want to stop myself from being happy, like I'm no longer allowed to be happy. A way to atone for my guilt."
Hyunjin after years of loneliness, fear and angst, decides to do something for himself for onc...
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Hyunjin
It's been almost a week since the audition, five days to be precise, but we still haven't received any news from JYPE.
Despite this, it was one of the most peaceful weeks, emotionally speaking, in I don't know how long. I continued to attend the dance classes held by Minho together with Seungmin and Jeongin, Chan invited me to have lunch out with Felix, Bin and Jisung and I accepted without making excuses, after centuries of lunch breaks spent in the solitude of my office. Work and dance classes aside, Minho and I saw each other almost every day but I only slept over once so far. Since we talked and clarified, our relationship took off. He picks me up at the train station in the morning to have coffee together, a couple of times during lunch breaks he even showed up with two sandwiches and we ate together in the park across the street, enjoying the almost spring sun.
I can see in his gaze the impatience and anxiety of having news from the company and in recent days I have tried in every way to distract him with more or less orthodox methods, I must say with success. The attraction between us is a spark that exploded the moment we had sex for the first time at my house last Sunday. Since then, not a day has gone by where we haven't touched each other in whatever way circumstances allow. Kisses, caresses, blowjobs, handjobs, fucks. Anything was fine as long as we pleasured each other. It has become a primary need, which if not satisfied causes us actual physical pain.
I need to have him, I need to touch him, I need to feel him in every part of me.
The overwhelming passion and the official start of our relationship helped Minho not to become paranoid about this radio silence. It's an important company with who knows how many things to think about and dozens of candidates to evaluate, so it's quite plausible that we haven't heard anything yet, right?
So Friday evening has arrived, dance class has just finished and I'm outside the gym smoking my ritual cigarette while waiting for Minho. This evening we decided to make up for the missed date last Sunday and celebrate together with everyone else at the Bastion. Jeongin and Seungmin will also join us. From the gym dinner party they bonded quickly with my friends, plus, the more the merrier.
The more the merrier? Damn, who have I become?
I smile to myself as I put the cigarette out in the ashtray and blow out the smoke at the exact moment Minho makes his appearance.
"That shit kills," he comments, watching the puff of smoke escape my lips.
"Your workouts will kill me first."
Minho smirks, "You're a squib. You know you need to improve your stamina."
I smile back, ready to counterattack, "If you want to test my stamina all you have to do is ask. Or maybe you're shy?" I approach him, who is clutching his gym bag as if it were a lifeline, "Maybe you're scared."
