Despite how outspoken she's always been, people have expected her to be rather lacking in things to say. Upset rather, when she voiced an opinion or made a statement with a song. Since she turned eight no one expected her to begin an intelligent conversation, they actually liked the idea of her being a bit dim. Men assumed they'd be the ones cracking jokes to get the pleasure of seeing her smile, only to be put off when she beat them to the punch. Eventually they realized they didn't much like her strong personality as much as they liked her exterior and when they figured out she had no adult presence in her life protecting her, well they stopped caring about persuasion and started in with aggression instead. Being a bit boring off stage became a survival instinct, as well as befriending venemous creatures.
When she got reaped and taken here she let it go only to find out that her personality wasn't the problem but the people she was surrounded by, since Coriolanus had immediately liked her and not to try to get her into bed. She's trusted Billy Taupe as a boyfriend to begin with because she'd always known him and stupidly thought he'd be different since he was Covey, not District. But in the end he'd betrayed her and hurt her worse than any District man ever had.
She'd wanted to be appreciated for the whole of who she was. Her loyalty to her loved ones, her thoughts on literature and philosophy, her resourcefulness in times of strife, her views on the future of the country, but the only man who'd ever bothered to even ask her those things wasn't Covey or District, he was Capital. She didn't want to fall in love with him, not then or now. Even when he'd said all the right things the fears still don't go away. A lifetime of lessons make the fears make too much sense.
Not just those fears, but even normal fears everyone has. Fears like her body changing, aging, morphing into something out of her control. Fear of the same happening to her daughters now. She had this rare thing, this face and body that despite all the pain and degradation and suffering, was still ideal, desirable. Something to be leveraged to better conditions. From a time before even puberty, she'd been made very aware of how beautiful she was. By her family naturally, but by other Covey members before their genocide, by the peacekeepers that took them away, by District citizens, and eventually by Capitolites too. That's part of what won her the Games after all.
This wasn't just narcissism or an overinflated ego, it was a matter of fact. Her face and body were very symmetrical, her features bold and striking, her body svelte but full in places she'd needed them to be. But now her stomach is a wretch, her left knee twinges when she walks, she's getting fine lines on her skin and yesterday she found her first grey hair. She looks in the mirror and doesn't only see what's wrong now, but she foresees a wreck.
So it's paradoxical you see, the problems Lucy Gray is facing and has faced for most of her life. She knows even now, as she's slowly losing her loveliness, that she can still seduce her way out of or into any situation she may need, but for how long? How long until her looks have totally lost their uncanny perfection? How long until she can only get through her hardships by gritt and other's pity? Namely, his? Perhaps she'll never be hard to look at, but she'll no longer be outstandingly attractive and therefore lose the mystique, the value others place on her. She knows that's partly what motivates men into keeping their women as theirs. Just as he's supplanting Livia as his lady, couldn't he do the same with her once he's lost interest? Men are flighty, inconsistent and cruel creatures when they feel like being it. So then should she use her tools while she still has them?
Livia doesn't seem to mind much, her replacement. But then, she's never really needed Coriolanus the way Lucy Gray needs him now. She's grateful to her. That despite everything that's happened to her and how Lucy Gray is partly why, that she's as gracious with her as she's been. Like now as the girls and Silas Ochre are on their first visit with The Plinths, she's brought more wine. Strawberry, this time. She said she looked stressed and bored and wanted to show her new things so she bought her nail stylist with her today to fix up Lucy Gray's hands and toes, to cheer her up.
