WARHAVEN

Fifty-Nine

His body tensed again, "Okay. Well, maybe you should move back to your quarters for a few days." he looked at me, extremely hesitantly, like he was afraid of what I might say next.

I nodded, "August, I was actually thinking I want to live on my own for a few weeks... I have some savings at the orphanage, and I could get my job back at the tavern, I was looking at renting a space-"

"No." His words were firm, and I could tell that it would be very difficult to convince him if this was a good idea.

"I-what? Why?"

"You are not to leave these grounds. You are not leaving. I will not lose you again."

I was shocked. I expected some pushback, but I didn't expect him to deny my request with no room for adjustment.

"I need time. So much has happened to me..."

"I don't care." I reared back as though I had been slapped. I felt I had been. His blatant disregard for my feelings was distasteful.

"Clearly." He rolled his eyes in response. "August I am not a prisoner. You cannot just keep me here."

"On the contrary, I can. And I will. I have lived without you for years, and I refuse to live without you again."

"August. I have no idea who I am. Apparently, I am part fairy, gnome, and now, thanks to you, vampire. And I honestly hate that part of myself." I was not expecting to be this open with him this quickly, but he needed to know how I felt. "You lied to me for months about the truth. I was raped and kidnapped, then put through a humiliating cleansing, and then sold. I was ripped from all that I thought I knew, and everything that I had. And then I fell in love with you, and things were going wonderfully, and then the ball happened. I mean, my God, August. And now, just last night, I found my mate. And I don't even know what that means yet."

He listened somewhat as he ate his breakfast, but I could tell that I still wasn't getting through to him. I sighed and pressed on, " you also nearly beat Roman to death, and that scared me. You pushed me across the room and felt no concern for me. Just need space and time. Things are moving very fast..."

He sighed loudly and put his fork down, " I'm sorry for all that you've been through and I'm sorry that I lied to you. Doesn't mean that I don't love you. But I've done it out of love. I'm so terrified of losing you that I feel I will do anything to avoid it. I understand that I can be overbearing, but I just love and care about you and I don't want to experience life without you again." His eyes softened as he looked at me, then down at his plate. He seemed slightly ashamed.

"I know that you love me, I don't doubt that. I'm just not ready for...everything..."

"Like?"

" like being a Queen. It sounds lovely, the idea of spending eternity with you, but from the research, I'm not even sure if I want to be a Queen..." I looked down, ashamed of myself. I wished so badly that I could slip into the role he desired of me, but I couldn't at that moment.

He scoffed, " Divina, you sound incredible and grateful. You're the only woman in this kingdom who would turn down the opportunity of being my queen. Maybe some time away would help me realize all that you have." He rolled his eyes and huffed, continuing to eat.

My eyes widened at his direct insult, "Wow. I am not ungrateful. It is a massive decision, if it was just marrying you, I would say yes, in a heartbeat. Although it is also so much more than that. It's a huge amount of responsibility."

"Marrying me means love, money, power, safety, family, and luxury. No woman has any reason to turn that down. And no woman except for you would."

He clearly was not seeing my side of things, "And, like I said, it comes with a huge amount of responsibility. From what you told me, it also means, but I will basically do nothing but represent you and have babies. What if I don't like her life for myself? And I'm not saying, I don't want those things, it's just that that's not all I want from my existence."

"What else do you want? I can literally give you anything that you want. Just ask."

"I want to live on my own. I want to work for the things that I have, I want to help those in my community. And I want my children to grow up in an environment where they understand that you get the things you have through hard work. Not just because you have money."

"We will have no issue teaching our children those values. I agree with you. And do you think that all of this," He gestured to the massive dining hall, "didn't come from hard work?"

"Of course I know that. I just need time, Augustus. I have a lot to think about and I cannot in good consumables fully commit to you and this relationship, let alone this kingdom, without having everything sorted out. I need space to process everything, don't you understand that?"

"And I said no. You can take all the space you like here in the kingdom, but you are not leaving."

I couldn't believe the audacity of him, " August, we are in a relationship and you do not get to make decisions for me. That is not how this is going to work."

"Then don't make me."

" I'm not making you do anything. Listen, we can still spend time with one another and court. I just need my own space to figure out who I am. Please, August. I've only been here for eight months. We're moving incredibly quickly, please remember that to me, we just met."

"And to me, we have been engaged for 220 years. I've waited long enough. You will learn to adjust and love me, just as you once did. We just have to give it time."

"August, you're being unreasonable. I do love you right now. I'm not saying that I want our relationship to end. I just need time to get myself right so I can lead alongside you like you desire." I had no idea what else to say, it seems like anything I mentioned, he shot down. I had no idea how to make him see my side of things and was growing irritated.