Love you to the stars...

The helper

I fling off my seat belt and thrash myself out of the door before my grandpa and get to her because I don't want him hurting himself trying to lend a hand. "Here, papa. August and I got it. Do you want to go upstairs and make the coffee?" I say, pulling him in for a hug. "Are you sure?" He questions, leaning away from my form of kindness. My Grandpa, AKA Papa, has never been the best at NOT helping people when they need it. My whole he has been this way. I remember one night when I was 11, I couldn't sleep and wanted candy at 2 am. So, I went downstairs to try to scavenge a sweet treat. Once I arrived at my destination, I saw my grandpa at his desk adjacent to my gold mine. He was on the computer looking at recipes for the next night's dinner.

FLASHBACK
"Hey, little one, why are you up?" His eyes were tired with a slight blue hint to them from his computer screen.
"I could say the same about you, papa!" I fire back, smiling. I grab a chair from the cluttered dining room behind him and pull it up next to him.
On his desk, he has his signature cookies and peanut butter out so I grab it and start to dig in. "oooo, that one looks good!" I point to the computer screen at some pasta dish.
"It sure does, but not as good as sleep before the first day of school feels!" He says in a sarcastic note, taking the delicious delights of my hands. He suddenly turns off the computer, leaving only the dim patio light for us to see.
"Really, what are you doing awake this late on a school night?" He changes his tone to a more serious one.
"I can't sleep. I can never sleep anymore." Ever since Grandma got sick, I don't sleep well. She has been ill for about 8 months, but she isn't doing good. She'll be ok one day and totally out of it the next.
"I know, baby, me neither. Do you wanna go for a walk?" Papa offers. I nod, stand up, and then run over to the front door to throw on my shoes while I try and calm myself down so I don't cry. I cry a lot these days. I never used to sob. Even as a baby, my grandpa said I was the easiest tiny human he had ever had. Sadly, I am older and I am not a baby. We took about a 15-minute walk just around the block, and we talked about memories we had of her before she got sick. It's weird to mourn someone you haven't lost yet. We also sat outside for some fresh air, Sitting on the bench right outside of the house. I could tell that he was very tired but he didn't want to go to bed until I simmered down. Looking up at the moon, it was full and very alluring. I will never get over the beauty of the solar system and everything that it has. My neck was straining but the beauty of the satellite above me eased the pain and anxiety that I was feeling.
"Do you think her chemo is working?" I ask out of the blue, nuzzled into my grandpa's side. When I lift my head from his shoulder,  I am greeted by a peaceful, sleeping face. I'm kind of glad he didn't hear me. I probably wouldn't want to know that answer anyway. I lightly smile to myself and close my eyes, finally ready to fall asleep. It's the end of August so there was no real need for a blanket. My heart stops at that thought. My birthday is tomorrow.

SHES A LONG CHAPATER!!
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