Is There Somewhere? |Daryl Dixon

031| flashlight

Sabrina Rhodes was convinced she was dying as she keeled over and spilt what little she had in her stomach onto the forest floor. It had been a long eight months since the fall of the farm and the everlasting winter was wearing her body thin. Especially when all she had to keep her going was cold medicine she was convinced was expired and a pack of stale saltines she found in a pharmacy. 

Every single day was a new sense of anxiety. It grew deep inside of her bones, constantly enlarging as more time went on without finding any of her group. All she had left of her hunter was a frayed button up. Sometimes, when she closed her eyes for the night she'd inhale it, imagining his smokey scent. It was enough to convince her that everything was just a bad dream. That when she woke up, Daryl and Frankie would be there standing over her probably bickering about who had to wake her. 

She missed them so fucking much it was physically painful. Sabrina now understood what dying from heartbreak would feel like. The only thing that kept her going most days was the fact that they might still be out there. Still, as the days went by her hope began to simmer out. She'd been looking for them, how come they hadn't found her either? 

With a weary glance at what was her breakfast, Sabrina continued to trudge forward through the woods, her trusty axe at her side. Surely, she could find somewhere to hole up for the night, or week. Maybe she'd stay there long enough to be well rested. She needed to continue the search but there was only so much she could do if she was exhausted. 

Exhaustion led to mistakes. That's what she had learned early on into her solo journey within the apocalypse. How many days had she spent chasing empty leads because she had driven herself to the point of hallucinating. She pushed too hard and when food was even scarcer than it was to begin with that was a problem. 

Sometimes, she had sworn she saw traces of Daryl in the forest. Only to find nothing. Once she could've sworn she had seen Frankie's hair in a department store, that had nearly gotten her killed. 

She desperately needed a break. Yet she desperately needed to find her family before she drove herself to the point of madness. She didn't know how much longer she could go on without hearing Frankie's sweet laughter or Daryl's relentless teasing.

8 months. 

Sabrina couldn't remember the last time her and Daryl went a week without talking to each other. Let alone eight months. It scared her, how much she missed him. They'd spent the better part of a decade co-existing together. They'd spent the last few weeks as a couple. Going without him for this long felt like her air had been cut off. 

She'd spent eight months without another soul to talk to. It was just her alone in the woods with her thoughts. Every day dragged on longer than the last. Nothing to reminder she was alive. The past eight months had been purgatory. They were monotonous. She was trapped with no escape and she was so damn lonely. 

The woman walked through the woods once more. It could've been for five minutes, or it could've been for an hour. She'd need to find somewhere to hole up for the night. Maybe for the next few days if she were lucky. She took another break, holding herself up with a low hanging tree branch as she dry heaved once more. Nothing came up, she had nothing in her stomach to come up. Her throat burned at the feeling of acidity. 

"Fuck." She whispered to herself. 

Sunshine was getting sparser with each passing minute. Soon, there wouldn't be any at all. Even as her brittle bones screamed at her to stop, Sabrina continued to trudge forwards. 

A tiny store sat in front of her, with a sigh of relief she approached it. This would be her abode for the evening. With all the strength she had left, she took her knuckles and tapped on the window above the door. If there were too many walkers in there, she wouldn't be able to stay. Her aching body was simply too weak to handle more than two. Even that number was pushing it. 

When no noise sounded, she slowly grabbed her backpack pulling out a flashlight she found early on. The batteries were half dead and took a couple tries to get going so she hit them against the palm of her hand. 

"Come on, come on, come on. Can't quit on me now." She said, smacking the thing harshly. It flickered a couples times but eventually the beam of light began to illuminate the ground in front of her. "Bingo baby, I knew you wouldn't let me down." 

And now she was using terms of endearment towards a flashlight... great. She was desperate for some kind of interaction with a human. Preferably with one she knew, like Daryl or Frankie or both. 

Sabrina couldn't think about them now, it hurt too much. So she pushed her sisters smiling face and Daryl's glowering eyes out of her mind. For now at least. They'd come back in her dreams or when she let her guard down. They always did. 

Slowly, the red haired woman pushed open the little shops door. Letting it swing open and shining her flashlight down the hallway. So far, so good. She saw nothing that would cause alarm. Still she reached for her axe, gripping it tightly in one hand. Just because walkers hadn't come running at the noise didn't mean they weren't in there. Many times over the winter, she found them to be trapped under something or locked in a room. 

In the midst of her sweep, she came across a family portrait. Shining her light on it for longer than she would've liked to, Sabrina took the family in. Two parents, two kids, and a dog. They must've been the owners of this establishment. One of the kids looked to be about Frankie's age, curly hair tucked under a hat and his two front teeth missing as he grinned at the camera. The younger was maybe two or three, propped up on the dad's hip and she shied away from the camera hiding her face in her dad's neck. Both of the parents smiled at the camera as the dog laid on it's back, all four paws in the air begging for belly rubs. It was the most perfect picture in the world.

Again it made her stomach ache, she picked the dust covered portrait up in her hands gripping the thing tightly. Maybe in another life... 

She set the thing face down on a nearby table. Ghosts of the past were no use to her here. How many times had she dug herself out of that hole? Feeling sorry for herself because her upbringing was shitty, only for it to get better in the apocalypse, then crumble apart entirely. The dust that swirled up around it sent her into a coughing fit, once she settled down she decided to finish her sweep of the building. 

Once she found nothing, she finally found a room at the back of the building. Using every last ounce of strength she had to push a desk in front of the door. Just incase unwanted visitors approached while she slept.  When her room was secure enough, she let herself sink to the floor ignoring the way her eyes burned with tears. 

Her emotions had been tending to get the best of her recently. Most days her family was the only thing on her mind, she missed them so fucking much. They drove her forward, but the reminder of them was bound to drive her to near insanity at some point. How much longer could she go on chasing ghosts? Meer echoes of what once was and what could be?  She'd find them. They couldn't be far. Hell, maybe they were just around the corner looking for her too. Maybe they had just accidentally missed each other all winter. Like when her and Daryl would split up in the grocery store and pass each other behind end caps on accident. They always seemed to find each other a moment later. 

Yet this wasn't a grocery store confined by four walls and a roof. This was the entire state of Georgia in the midst of a world where the dead walked. Sabrina leaned her tired head against the wall behind her. She was so frustrated, how much longer did she have before she succumbed to some cruel fate. It had happened to so many within their group. Jim, Sophia, Dale. 

Sabrina wouldn't give up though. Something in her mind was hardwired against giving up. No, Sabrina Rhodes would find her family, whether it was on her death bed or when she was at her best. 

She'd find Daryl, and she'd finally tell him how much she loved him. Sabrina would tell Daryl that she'd been in love with him since they were teens, she'd tell him the exact moment too. How he had saved her life numerous times and how he had kept her sane. How every single night before she crashed from exhaustion this past winter, she prayed she'd wake up from a dream and be in his arms. 

She'd find Frankie and squeeze her so tight. Sabrina would tell her how proud she was to be her sister. How strong she was, how most days Frankie was Sabrina's life purpose. How lucky she was to have her as a kid. 

A singular tear began to roll down Sabrina's grime covered face at the realization; she'd find or family or die trying.