eyes of the mind

chapter 14

As the leaves left their residence on the trees the snow began falling, covering up the grass.

I have a black beanie keeping my head warm, along with black sweatpants, a black hoodie and converse.

I'm in the car with Brock since he picked me up for school.

"So, looking forward to school today? I heard Bianca is a new transfer student. Hence how they met" Brock says while pulling into a parking spot.

"Great" I say sarcastically while speed walking to the school entrance.

I feel Brock's body heat from him wrapping his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close. 

I leaned into his embrace as we walked into the school.

—

The school day was half over so before the bell rang for lunch I stepped into the bathroom.

I get into the stall and suddenly I hear the door open.

"Yeah, I'm fine mom, it's the first day but everyone has been so welcoming especially August and his friends" Bianca says.

I catch myself rolling my eyes but collect myself while eavesdropping.

"I know, date him until New Years but it's so hard, I miss Derek mom, he was the one for me" I hear her say through the phone.

I put my hand over my mouth shocked at what I just heard.

She was using August and I had to tell him.

—

After leaving the bathroom I rush to the lunch table where August, Bianca, Carol, and Brock are.

Carol is caught up in conversation with Bianca. I go up behind Brock and whisper in his ear to follow me.

When I look forward I see August look between me and Brock with eyes full of jealousy and repulse before looking back at Bianca with adoration.

I'm taken aback by that reaction.

Brock follows me to the abandoned outside area.

I then tell him what just happened, and left nothing out.

"WHAT? Who is Derek and how do you know what the context is behind that?" Brock says.

"Who else would she say is the one for me? And why would her mom put a timeline on her relationship with August if she wasn't already in one with this Derek" I say fast.

"Well I mean, if I were August I would want to know. But to be honest Lav I don't know how he would take it from you" Brock says before he is interrupted.

"Take what from her?" August says.

We almost get whiplash from looking to see where that voice came from.

Brock looked confused if he should stay or leave.

He took the latter.

After he leaves August moves closer to me and looks at me with expectant eyes.

I look everywhere but his eyes before he puts his hand under my chin to look at him and he lets his hand linger there for a while.

"Well when I was in the bathroom, I heard Bianca on the phone saying to her mom that, she knows she has to date you until New Years and that someone named Derek is the one for her" I say.

He gets so close to my face that even a sheet of paper would have trouble getting between us.

He moves down to my eye level before whispering, "stay the FUCK out of my relationship and stay the FUCK out of my life."

I was so taken back that my eyes started to water.

"WHAT? What do you even mean?! I literally just told you what I heard how am I the bad guy here-" I say before I get interrupted.

He takes my arm and pulls me to the stoner bleachers so we won't cause too much of a scene.

"WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN ME?! SHE is the ONLY thing keeping me afloat right now and YOU are trying to snatch that away from me" August says while pointing at me with tears welling in his eyes.

I stand there, letting my tears fall. I stand there in disbelief, so shocked that I start walking away.

"OH SO YOU'RE JUST GONNA LEAVE? WALK OUT ON THIS CONVERSATION" August yells after me.

"BECAUSE I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH BUT YOU NEVER TAKE MY FEELINGS INTO CONSIDERATION" I yell out while walking up to him.

He flinches at my words and tries to reach out for me but I step back.

"I loved you, supported you. I was your friend, your partner, someone who you could confide in. But you just tossed me away without even hearing me out because you never trusted me enough to give me the benefit of the doubt. Never respected me to not kiss someone else in front of me when you could have used that same mouth to talk it out with me" I whisper and cry out.

He leans back on a pole rubbing his eyes and then rubs his hands through his hair.

I go to stand in front of him and grab his hands in mine.

"I love you, but you treat me so horribly that you're making me think of you as the former love of my life. And maybe that's how it should be" I whisper out.

"You're right I should leave you alone and I will stay out of your business. If we're forced into a situation with each other I'll be cordial but I'll just be a ghost of your past" I say.

I kiss his cheek and I try to drop his hands.

I stay in my place and he pulls me into his chest and holds me.

I couldn't tell you how long we were out there.

But this felt like a goodbye. A goodbye to who we were.

But a hello to who we are going to be.