Sparring Her Heart ⚔️🥀 | Clorivia

02 | Guilt

⚔️🥀

That night I went home regretting everything i'd done. I started writing. I was writing a letter to Navia, an apology letter. I owed her one.
I say down in my escritoire, picked up a plume, dipped the tip in ink and started writing.

"Dear Navia,

Over the year we've grown apart, and i'm extremely sorry for that. I wish I could say we're still close, but after what happened i'm not sure we'll ever be close again. I'm sorry for the way things have gone. No amount of apologies will take back what i've done, and if you don't want to forgive me I understand that..."

My wrist was getting tired from writing. I wasn't much of a writer, but I felt obliged to formally apologize. I would've done so in person, but that won't suffice. Nothing will.
Would Navia even wanna see me now? How am I supposed to protect her like I vowed to if I can't even be around her? I asked myself those questions the whole night.

The time went by quickly, and by the time I was done with the letter it was 10pm. I put away my plume, sprayed the letter with some of my perfume, and stamped it close. I was planning on delivering it as soon as I was done, but it was rather dark outside, and it was raining. Regardless, I still decided to go.

Holding the letter in my hand, I grabbed an umbrella, and left out the door. It was a cold night, and the sound of rain hitting the ground and my heels clicking against the concrete surrounded me. My right hand was holding the umbrella, and my left was ready to pull out my gun just in case. It wasn't too long of a walk from my house to Navia's. I reached her front door and slipped the letter through her mailbox. Not a single light in her house was still on; she must've been asleep already. I turned around and started walking back to my house feeling a bit disappointed
Disappointed, why? I thought to myself.
Why was I feeling this way?
Was I hoping she was awake so I could perhaps talk to her? Or attempt to.
Of course I was.

I heard the faint sound of heels clicking on the floor. They sounded similar to mine. I got distracted, and suddenly I stumbled and tripped on a crack in the sidewalk. I fell on my knees, and my umbrella slipped out of my hand. I had been distracted trying to figure out where that sound was coming from that I had stumbled and fell. Usually I wouldn't be distracted by such a small thing, but I wasn't feeling too well. I put my right hand down to support myself, but my left hand was still ready to pull out my gun if needed. Then the sound of heels clicking on the ground got closer to me. I was panicking to be seen in such weak state. Out of fear, I grabbed my gun and held it tightly, but I was not yet pointing it at anyone. I waited for the lady who's heels were hitting the ground to become visible in the night sky. And when she did, I immediately recognized her.

"Navia?" I said with a puzzled look on my face. All the lights in her home were off, so naturally I assumed she was asleep.

She looked down at the gun I held in my left hand, and looked at me again.
"Are you gonna kill me too?" She referred to her father, who I had murdered in the duel earlier that day.

My left hand lost grip on the gun, causing it to drop on the floor. Still on my knees, I looked up at her with no response. She looked back at me; her eyes seemed almost soulless with a hint of sadness. She then walked past me, taking my silence as a response. Her umbrella slightly sheltering me from the rain as she walked by me, and when she walked past me the cold rain hit my forehead again. I sat there on my knees, shocked by the words she had said to me. To think I would ever hear those words come out of her mouth. But I never thought i'd be the one to kill her father.

After a few minutes of reflecting I picked up my gun and put it back in its holder. I also picked up the umbrella I was previously carrying and covered my body. I had been outside in the rain for a while; my clothes were drenched. I looked back, but Navia was already gone.
So now what? I thought to myself.
Navia hates me, and rightfully so; but it still hurts.

It was late and dark. I slightly dragged my feet so my heels wouldn't be ruined as I walked back home. When I arrived at my front door I took my heels off. The wet concrete hitting my cold feet. And when I opened the door, I threw the heels to the side as if I hadn't been trying to be careful with them earlier.

Before going to bed I took a hot shower to cleanse the rain off me. Not only was I trying to cleanse the rain, but the guilt I carried too.