Love Restrained | Yellowjackets

chapter thirty one

XXXI

It had been a couple days since Shauna lost her baby, and the Yellowjackets were deep in a collective depression. Most of them were lying on their beds, although it was already daytime. The windows were completely blocked by drifts of snow, so they weren't able to see the light and know what time it probably was. The air was smoky and stale.

The altar that Travis created out of the horse skull was still there, untouched. It was a crowded mess of offerings. Various locks of hair, small scraps of fabric, a pencil, an origami crane and dried drops of blood.

Shauna was still curled up on her birthing bed, the blood stained blanket pulled up to her neck. Her eyes were open but unfocused.

"You need to drink some water, Shauna." Taissa knelt in front of her, proffering a cup of water.

Shauna didn't move and Taissa tried to put the cup to her lips

"Come on, just a little bit..."

But Shauna pulled her face away, then turned over so her back was to Tai. And under the blanket, Shauna was cradling something in her arms.

Taissa locked eyes with Lottie, who was standing nearby. They both knew that Shauna was holding onto the body of her dead infant. They were concerned about her. But no one in the cabin dared to talk about it. Actually, they didn't talk at all the past few days.

After a moment, Lottie looked towards the door. She had a feeling.

"What is it?" Taissa noticed her gaze to the door.

"The snow... I think it finally stopped."

They slowly got up, ready to collectively pull at the outside door, trying to force it open against the weight of the massive snow drift.

At first, they struggled and grunted, it seemed impossible. But finally the door began to budge.

"It's moving! Don't let up." Travis got excited.

The door moved an inch, then a few more, then finally enough for Mari and Van to start digging into the exposed snow with their hands. And they continued their efforts to make some space through all that snow.

"This will be good for you. They'll clear the door and you can maybe take a walk and... get some air."  Tai said, watching them work as she kept her vigil next to Shauna.

Taissa's meaning was clear: she hoped that opening up the cabin would mean that Shauna could finally lay her baby to rest.

"I can come with you if you want..." Tai reached out and touched Shauna's arm, but Shauna flinched at her touch, making her draw back, unsure how to help.

Some moments after, most of the girls were outside working to dig out the cabin with makeshift shovels. Though they were still feeling the loss of the baby, it felt good to be out in the fresh air. They could channel their grief into their labor.

Natalie was working at digging out one of the windows. As she turned away, she caught a glimpse of Shauna outside in the snow. She was cradling a small bundle wrapped in a fur pelt. She trudged through the snow, finding a spot beneath the trees to gently lay the bundle down.

Natalie watched Shuana gathering dozens of rocks of various sizes and then surrounding the bundle with some of them. Her chin was trembling as she started to carefully pile the rest of the rocks on top of the bundle, making a little burial cairn.

Shauna was whispering something that Natalie couldn't quite understand but she tried to read her lips anyway, going in her direction to check on her.

"Shauna?"