Devotion

Chapter 22 - Heaviness

    Do you ever go out, and then regret going out? That's how I feel now, quite literally crying in the club.

Axelle, Nobara and I are sitting in a booth at one of the dark lit clubs we've been to a few times. The two of them are more lively and having a good time, but I still have this heaviness I can't let go of, not matter how much I drank or try and dance it off like I used to.

Choso... I wonder what he's doing now.

"Hello? Earth to y/n!" Nobara snaps her fingers at me.

"Huh? Sorry, what'd you say?" I ask snapped out of my trance.

"Have you even been paying attention at all?"

"I'm sorry, I lost concentration..." I sheepishly replied.

"Alright that's it. Spill it." She states.

"Spill what?"

"No she's right, don't play dumb missy." Axelle chimes in. "You've been dodging and dancing around the topic ever since that night, no more."

They're looking at me with full attention, maybe a little attitude also but rightfully so on their end since they're completely right.

"I'm sorry guys, I just don't know how to talk about it. Sometimes the whole thing feels like a dream, even meeting him..." I drink down the rest of my cocktail wishing I had more.

"You went through a traumatic experience babes. Your brain could've blocked it out, made you dissociate. It's been a while, but I think we should get you into some therapy." Nobara says.

I feel my heart sink. "You guys really think so? I mean, I'm doing just fine-"

"But that's the thing you're not." Axelle says abruptly. "You were kidnapped for gods sake, saw a man die and just went to work? I can see it in you, y/n we all can."

I sit with her words for a second, forcing the sharpness from my tone. "See what exactly?"

"We just want what's best for you is all, no one's mad. We thought you'd get out of it when you came back but it's been 7 months now..." Nobara tries to soothes.

"Get out of what?"

"You're more closed off. You may hangout with us, but you're quieter and jumpy, reserved almost. Not the old y/n who was more carefree and confident. Listen, there's nothing wrong with needing help I mean hell we've all needed it, just let us in y/n, let us help you." Axelle says, calmer.

I sit for a minute and process their words, knowing they're coming from a place of love I can't help but feel an anger build up inside of me. "I feel like I'm reserved that right to act a little differently." I say quietly.

"No one is saying you can't but I mean y/n it's been 7 months-"

"And so what?" I snap back. "7 days, months or years trauma is trauma okay? It doesn't just go away because time moves on, the hurt doesn't just disappear because it's an inconvenience to everyone around you."

"No one is inconvenienced y/n we just want to help you! We didn't mean for it to come out that way, we're sorry but we're just trying to help." Nobara says sympathetic.

"Well what if I don't need or want your help, huh?" I spit out feeling the anger build inside me more and more. "What if I don't want this piss poor excuse of an intervention?"