Your perspective
Would you rather die or live a life of death? Never did I imagine that I would have to choose, and yet here I am.
After what happened and what I heard, I deserve a long night's sleep. Matteo said that he would talk to Dumbledore and try to sort out the issue of me being expelled. He also said that if I don't decide whether or not I want to become a deatheater by midnight, I will be killed. Today is not the first day I am threatened by death, but now the choice is much bigger. What if I don't choose and let them kill me in my sleep, I know that is not possible. But what if?
My thoughts get disturbed by Matteo bursting through the door with a look of disappointment on his face.
"What happened? Were you able to convince them to let me stay?" I ask pure desperation in my voice.
"I did, but, if you don't ace the exam you're out."
"Even if I pass?"
"Even if you pass."
This is as much as I expected, I know I can ace the test. But what if I don't? Maybe it would be better if I leave the school. Since it is late afternoon, I don't have many classes, so I decide to skip a few more and go to bed. If I'm going to decide my fate tonight, I might as well get some final rest.
Knowing that this might be my last night in this bed makes it a thousand times more comfortable, and the food tastes even better. It's funny how the things you take for granted are so much more precious than you thought it was. Those who starve will be happy with a bowl of old oats, but if you were to get it? Certainly, you wouldn't be able to resist the temptation of looking for better food. While those who starve will not be able to resist the temptation of eating. Knowing that this might be my last day on earth made me act like a monster who hadn't eaten for years.
I slowly drift off to a night of sleep with the promise of it being filled with dread and despair.
The nightmares start off as me running, running until I can't breathe. Running until they catch me. I am drowned in blood, my own blood and those of my enemies and friends. By the time I wake up I can still smell the stench of blood. To my disappointment I woke with the life still in my body and the blood still pumping through my veins.
I dreaded going out and seeing my fellow classmates, but the hunger overtook me, and I decided to go to dinner. Who would want to die on an empty stomach.
When I enter the common room, I am happily greeted by nothing and could calmly make my way to the great hall. I don't know how long it took me to reach the great hall but, I knew it took longer than usual because once I reached it, it was already time for dessert.
I neared the table and saw that the only open seat was between pansy and Matteo. I also spotted a plate of chicken and rice. I'm assuming Matteo is the one who saved me a plate. No one has noticed me as I walk closer but as I reach the table all eyes are on me. But the only person I see is Theodore.
We lock eyes. He smiles but it doesn't reach his eyes. One year ago, I would've smiled back. But I don't. All I do is sit down, my eyes never leaving him.
I can hear people is talking to me, but I block it out and peacefully eat my food. It tastes like dirt. That's when Theodore speaks.
"How is it going with you y/n"
Matteo instantly reaches for me and takes my hand. I can almost feel him prepare for a fight, but I simply hold his hand tighter to let him know I can handle myself. Because for once I don't feel frightened. In fact, I feel nothing.
I consider my answer calmly, even taking a bite of my food.
"It's going very well with me and with you?" I smile at him politely. Everyone looks up as if my answer surprised them even Theodore is left speechless. I have to bite down the urge to grim.
"Uh I... its going well with me. Thank you for asking." This time the smile reaches his eyes. I wonder if he thinks I've forgiven him. Poor boy.
I then take the conversation to Pansy, and it is clear that she has no idea of what's happening.
"So how are you, Pansy?" The usual chatter in our group is gone instead, everyone is looking at me as if I'm a time bomb.
"It's going great with me! I was just so bored without you, where were you anyways?"
"I was just fixing some family issues; you know how it goes. But I'm back now." I intentionally avert my gaze to Theodore smiling at the word family.
"I know right!?" If only, "Well did you hear...." I already know that she is going to ramble on about some pointless gossip. Nothing I need to know.
Dessert was rather tasteless today. I don't know if it's because of me or that it is tasteless. After dessert I make my way to the common rooms.
As I reach it Matteo tries to talk to me but io just ignore him and go to the bathroom to get ready. I have two hours before I have to go so, I take my time.
"Y/n! You need to talk to me! You're freaking me out!" Matteo bangs on the door. I don't reply.
"Y/n!"
"Y/n please!" This continues for about an hour before he gave up.
I wrap a towel around my body and make my way out of the bathroom. The moment I open the door Matteo stands up from his bed and runs towards me and gives me a hug. At first, I was scared that my makeshift robe would fall off, but then I realized that this is the thing I needed the most. I focus so hard to not cry that I don't hear the words he is saying.
Matteo waits for me outside our room as I get ready. I put on the same clothes I wore on my date with Theodore except this time I'm wearing the necklace he gave me as well. This will definitely give him a shock.
I make my way out with my head held high. The moment Matteo sees me he knows, and he grins a little. He holds his hand out that I gracefully accept. When we pass Theodore, it looks like his eyes are going to pop out of his head and he gasps. I just laugh knowing that I struck the right spot.
"Where did you get that beautiful necklace y/n?" He asks.
At first this caught me by surprise, but I think I'm going to toy with him a bit further.
"Thank you for noticing Matteo bought it for me." At this Matteo chokes on air, but quickly recovers by saying:
"Yeah, I thought she would like it."
Theodore rises quickly from his seat and goes to punch me, but Matteo is quicker and pushes him back down. We then make our way out.
We walked in silence to Voldemort's lair. But when we finally reach it, Matteo breaks the silence.
"Y/n. Just know whatever you do, I'm here for you."
"Thank you."
All of the deatheaters are gathered at the table.
Voldemort wastes no time and immediately asks me the question that will change the course of my life.
"Y/n, will you become a deatheater and serve me and only me."
Smiling I answer him "I decline your offer."
===============================================================================
Follow for part two
