Make it Through the Chaos

Chapter 1-Bleeding Out

Chapter 1- Bleeding Out

You would think being on the island full of dinosaurs would have been the most traumatic part of my life, and you know what, it still ranks pretty high, but life after the island, that was the kicker.

The first few years were pretty normal, I had managed to adjust to my life; I wrote a book that told the story of the Nebular Seven, omitting certain parts of our journey, for the safety of the dinosaurs. The group met up every so often, and we kept in constant contact with one another, Ben and I were still going strong, which surprised me, but also made me extremely happy.

I think the last truly good memory I had was the summer I had gone to see Ben, on our Mantha Corp's secret island, that was right before everything changed.

When I flew back that summer I didn't realize I was going home to a completely different world. Dinosaurs came to the mainland. At first, it was chaos, but slowly it became the new normal.

We all tried to do our part, Brooklynn became a full-fledged investigative journalist, Yaz started searching for ways to help people adapt to living in a world full of dinosaurs, Sammy eventually bought a little ranch of her own, Ben ended up going to college, Kenji well he did a lot of things, he weirdly became back to nature type, and Darius and I both ended up joining the Department of Prehistoric Wildlife.

Even though the world had changed so much. Even though I was faced with dinosaurs daily, I was protecting people, and helping the dinosaurs. But in the chaos of everything changing, I always felt like I was holding my breath waiting for the other shoe to drop, and then, one day, it did.

It was a normal day, sunny, blue sky, I was sitting in the back of my truck, dart gun trained on a carnivorous dinosaur that had been bothering a small town in Wyoming, I had gotten rather good at long-distance shooting, and that kind of skill was in high demand since getting up close and personal with a dinosaur was not always a safe, or good idea. My phone rang three times before I answered it. I wouldn't have at all except I saw that it was Darius.

"Hello!" I hissed as I climbed back into the cab of my truck, running my hand through my hair in annoyance. "L-Lilly," Darius's voice on the other end stuttered, I immediately knew something was wrong. "Darius, what's wrong?" I asked feeling panic building inside my chest. " It's" he began and then paused, "Lilly, it's Brooklynn, she" he paused again and I felt like I couldn't breathe, I knew the words that were coming next. "She's dead Lilly. It was Allosaurus. DPW got the call, but when I got there, she was already gone" Darius rambled and I could tell he was crying.

I felt like all the air had been shoved out of my lungs, I couldn't breathe, after everything, the island, all those dinosaurs, we survived all that, and now, my best friend was just, gone. I had just talked to her. She had asked me to help with her investigation since I had just left the DPW, and I had agreed. We were supposed to meet at Sammy's place in a week, and now she was just gone. I sat there for what felt like forever, trying to make myself breathe, all I felt was anger, "Lilly?" I heard Darius sob over the phone.

"Fuck!" I screamed, my fists hitting the steering wheel so hard I was sure there would be bruises. My head was spinning, we made it off the island just for this shit; if I just had been there maybe I could've protected her; everyone was going to be so brokenhearted over this, and I wasn't sure if I could help them. So may thought flash though my mind at once.

After a moment I caught myself. "Breathe" I whispered, trying to calm myself down. I took one more deep breath before holding the phone up to my ear again. "Darius, it will be okay," I said softly pushing my own emotions aside. "Listen I'm on my way, everything's going to be okay," I said again, even softer. But it wasn't okay, nothing would ever be okay, ever again.

***

Brooklyn's funeral was the last time I saw everyone, well, besides Kenji.

"Hey, Lilly," I heard a familiar voice call out as I leaned up against a tree in the front yard of Brooklynn's dads' house. "Hey, Ben," I said flatly, not even bothering to look over at him. I snapped the rubber band around my wrist stopping as he as he began to talk. "How, are you doing," he asked softly, I shook my head. "As can be expected I suppose" I muttered, and he nodded. "How's school?" I questioned trying to change the subject to anything else. I just wanted to get my mind off of how I felt. "Good, lots of being cooped up indoors, so you know. Actually, that part is kind of shitty," he explained, and I smiled slightly.

"You'd like it. College, I mean. You'll always want to go, it used to be all we could talk about," he said after a moment. "We were going to go to the same college. Spend our nights studying together. I was going to study criminology, you were going to study biology or computer science," I said, reminiscing. Those were the good days, when we would lay on my bed, laughing and making plans about our futures. But everything felt so different now.

"But those were just dreams, Ben. This is reality, and going to college, pretending like the world hasn't been turned completely upside down, it's not something I can do right now." I said turning to look at him. "I'm not pretending like everything is normal, just because I'm going to college, Lilly," he said in a slightly irritated tone. "I" I began trying to defend myself. I was going to say I didn't mean it that way, but the truth was, I kind of did. I was just so sick of pretending, so much had happened. "Ben, I'm sorry I, just" I sighed and looked down at the ground trying not to let Ben see the tears that were threatening to spill from my eyes. I felt Ben's arms wrap around me, he had gotten so tall, and I felt so safe when he held me, wrapping his arms around my waist, but even that didn't feel the way it used to.

"I'm leaving tomorrow," I finally whispered, I hadn't truly decided until I said it out loud. I felt Ben tense up before letting go of me. "What?" he questioned sadness covering his face. "The DPW asked me to come back, and I've agreed. I can't just stand around here, it's killing me," I explained the tears spilling over, and trickling down my face. "But what about our plan? You were going to move to the city, so we could finally get to see each other more than once a month" Ben exclaimed as the dam of emotions finally broke. A sob escaped my lips, I didn't know what to say. I knew what I was doing wasn't the best way to handle things, but I had hoped that Ben would understand. However, more and more, I had come to realize that Ben and I were not what we used to be.

I watched Ben's every move as he rubbed his hands over his face and let out a sigh trying to take back control of his emotions. "Listen, Lilly, I love you, you are my best friend, besides bumpy, and you always will be, but I need to know where we stand. What do you want us to be? Do you even want an us?" my world shook with each word out of his mouth. I stared back into the ocean of blue, that was Ben's eyes, my heart sinking deeper into the ground, my head swimming with emotions. I was just so angry; angry at myself for not being there for Brooklyn; angry at the dinosaur that killed her, and I couldn't help but think what if it had been Ben instead? In retrospect, I should have just calmly explained what I was feeling, that way I wouldn't have lost my best friend. My heart wanted me to stay, if for no other reason than the fact that I would lose my best friend. But it was too late for all that now.

"Do you?" I retorted lashing out angrily. I saw Ben's facial expression change, "I," he paused looking at me. "I don't know," he sighed, looking down at the ground. "Then I guess we have our answer," I sighed. "See you around Ben," I added before walking to my truck. The worst part was, that he didn't run after me, he didn't even call my name. He just stood there and watched me leave.

⭐️Authors Note:

Well guys, welcome back. I was literally hyperventilating the whole time I was watching Chaos Theory, my babies are all grown up. I appreciated what the writers of the show did, focusing on anxiety and other things each of the members of the Nublar Six faced after coming home from the island. Becuse of this I really wanted to lean into Lilly's anger issues and self-destructive tendencies. Also, I know some of you are probably going to be annoyed with me, but no Lilly and Ben are not together anymore, and we will see how that all works out over this season. Maybe Lilly will develop feelings for someone else, who knows? If you have any opinions on the matter, feel free to share, I can be bribed with words of praise.