The Show Must Go On

Chapter Seventeen: I Heard You Had a Girlfriend

Chapter Seventeen Soundtrack: I Heard You Had a Girlfriend by DBMK

'Why did you bring me here?'

I can spot the precise moment the lie occurs to him, and then watch again as he shakes it away. He's going to tell me the truth. I can see it as he swallows.

'Eleanor, I brought you here because-'

'Nas!' We are interrupted by Paul/Patrick. His enormous smile is back, but there is nothing behind his eyes as he strides towards us. Nas tenses. Now that I see Paul/Patrick beside Nas, I realise they are nearly the same age, Nas perhaps a few years younger, and the earlier comment about knowing the commissioner slots into place. He thinks Nas commissioned Pendleton.

'Paul,' Nas says weakly as he is pulled into an enormous hug. Paul's hands slide across Nas's back with ease.

Oh. Oh. I see.

I've always known that Nas dated men and women, and I've worked with him for long enough to know that he'll date colleagues, but I've never seen one last longer than a few nights. The familiarity between them, how Nas leans instinctively away from all of Paul's gestures, how Paul's eyes are glued to Nas's lips: this is an ex. A real ex, not like Natalie, and something deep and hollow sits in my stomach.

'This is Eleanor,' Nas is saying, and Paul replies, 'We've met,' without looking over. I am pushed to the side unthinkingly.

'I'm glad you're here,' Paul is saying now. I shouldn't be hearing this. My body is tensed to flee. If my ex was here, I wouldn't want Nas meeting them - but then, I don't have any exes left, no one except Ben, and the churning intensifies.

'Are you okay?' Nas asks. Nas asks me, I realise. He's ignoring Paul completely and his eyelashes feather against his cheeks as he looks down at me, as though he's been watching me, as though he'd leave if I said the word.

'I'm fine,' I smile brightly. How do you know Paul? I almost ask, but I know this would be cruel, and somehow I can't be cruel to Nas tonight. 'Paul was pitching me earlier,' I said instead.

'I saved the best for you, though,' Paul tells Nas, still ignoring me.

'What did you think?' Nas asks me. He's still not looking at Paul, and though I know this is probably just his retribution for however their relationship ended, I can't help the warmth that pools in my stomach.

Nas is still waiting for an answer.

What did I think? I hated it, but I can't say that over canapes.

'I think it might clash with other titles on our slate,' I say instead, which Nas taught me means 'I don't like it' without causing offence. Even if I want to cause offence, a little, right now.

'I'll talk you through it,' Paul says, ignoring me entirely.

'No,' Nas replies, and he shifts towards me slightly, so that we are side by side. 'If Eleanor doesn't think it's a fit, then I won't waste your time pitching again.'

Paul's lips tighten. Something hangs behind his eyes, a flash of something dark and rageful, and I feel Nas lean further towards me, and I don't look at him because I feel that, as if I'm facing a crouching bear, to take my eyes off Paul would be a mistake.

'Thanks anyway,' I say sweetly, without breaking eye contact.

Then Paul's anger is wiped away, and a mask of calm replaces it. It's uncanny, like watching the makeup drip off a clown. I still haven't looked at Nas, and I won't give Paul the satisfaction of seeking that reassurance. I know something is wrong about Paul, something that lets him change like that. I know it.

'Has Nas told you how we met?' Paul asks. He's finally addressing himself to me. Somehow this is worse. I don't like the full force of his gaze on me.

'No,' I admit.

'It's a great story. We've known each other for, what, a decade now?' Nas doesn't reply, so Paul continues, 'No one took Nas seriously when he said he was producing now, not after he was such a tween heartthrob. Not even when he was a production assistant and got everyone tea all day. We all used to make up errands for him, send him to shops that didn't exist, stuff like that. But I saw potential in him. I took this little brown boy and hired him on my second show. I opened every door for him. Didn't I, Nas?'

Nas doesn't respond and I am struck, again, with the force of how deeply I hate Paul. My entire body tightens with it.

'So that's why I know Nas will help me out now.'

Paul smiles with burning, plastic intensity and I want only to melt it away.

'Surely you haven't developed a production just for us,' I say.

'Well. I did give Nas his entire career.'

'And you didn't save some for yourself?'

If Paul were the lizard I first imagined him as, he would be hissing. Instead, he smiles again slowly, running his eyes down my body. I fight the urge to shudder. He laughs insincerely. 'You've certainly got a lot of opinions. I heard you were just Nas's little pet.'

'She bites,' Nas says. He moves in front of me, only half a step, but enough that I feel the force of him shielding me. He wouldn't speak up for himself, but now he is the Nas I know: never shying from a fight. With a smile, he pushes past Paul and I follow.

'Home?' I ask him, and he nods gratefully. We are both done with tonight, I think, and I need a long sleep and a cold shower to forget the shadowy feelings pushing into my thoughts.

We make it out of the Barbican and halfway down the road before Nas stops, mid-step, and I slam into his back.

'What the hell?'

He pulls out his phone and, confirming whatever he's wondering, swears.

'What is going on?'

'Tube and bus strike. It's past midnight.'

My stomach drops. I check my own phone, but he's right. There's no public transport in London tonight.

He's already looking for solutions, of course. 'Don't worry, I'll call you an Uber,' he says.

My response is automatic. 'No.'

He sighs. 'Right. No cars. Okay, I'll walk you home.'

I scoff. 'It's miles.'

As though he's speaking to a child, he says, 'Buses and Tube are both on strike. Walk with me or get an Uber.' Which option is worse? At my hesitation, he asks, his tone icy, 'You'd rather be stabbed than spend another hour with me?'

*

thank you so much to everyone who's liked and commented! i'm having a weird time with my work and writing this story has been such an outlet, and to connect with you all over it is really getting me through this period. 

as always, let me know if there's any scenes you'd like to see! i'm a few chapters ahead of publishing but can definitely edit or add scenes in later so i will do my best.