My Mind

Chapter 1

Charison Cruz

I sat on the couch looking at all the people dressed in black. I had no idea who half these people were but they attended my parent's funeral.

My brother, Bohkee shook everyone's hand and thanked them for showing their support. A few old lady's came and sat by me on the couch, offering their condolences and said a few prayers which I appreciated.

Soon after the house became quiet, everyone had left to go home and we were left here as orphans in a cold and empty house. It didn't feel like home anymore.

"You good little sis?" My brother asked. I just stared at him because he of all people should know the answer to that. He grabbed one of the tequila bottles his friends brought as a gift of comfort which I didn't understand. Why bring a bottle of tequila to a funeral?

He retreated back to his bedroom, slamming the door behind him. I groaned falling back onto the couch. Everything was perfect a few days ago, my parents were alive and everything was just normal. A train collision changed all of that. They were just on their way to work I never would've thought they would come back in a body bag. It still feels like all of this is a dream. Like they could just walk through the door at any minute.

My mother and father, Ellis and Harper, were the two people I could count on. The two people who I relied on financially and emotionally. I was their youngest child so I got the special treatment. I wasn't given what I wanted and I had to work for most things but I was cooed. I was treated like a little child. My brother wasn't abused or anything, he was raised like I was when he was the only child. He was four when I was born so he did have time alone with them.

I wasn't bad in school but I could've done better. Ellis and Harper were a bit disappointed at my final school marks and I felt like a failure to them. They pushed me to go to college but I refused to; I saw no point in it all. So instead I got hired into the family business, which was owned by my parents. My brother and I never knew our other family members like aunties and uncle's nor cousins. It was only us four.

I'd worked in the family business for two years so I had a few thousands in my account. I didn't rely on them that much financially but I would ask them for some money whenever I didn't feel like paying for something. My mother always said no but my father had no problem with it. It caused a little stir between them but they always worked it out.

Their love showed me what love is supposed to look like. That love still exists. What my parents had is what I'd like to have with my partner.

I only had two friends, Zariah and Mia, but no romantic partner. I had dated a few girls in high school but those didn't last long. I had no connection to them and half the time I was bored. I did have a few sexual interactions with them but as I grew older I  had no interest in becoming romantic with anyone.

I knew Zariah from high school. She was in eighth grade and I in tenth. She played on my football team and we became close friends. Mia was one of Zariah's class mates so I guess they became close too. Mia would come and watch us play; which lead to us chilling all the time and from then we just became friends.

I sat and looked at our family photo that hung on our wall. I felt dissociated from the world, it felt like I wasn't in my body, like everything was unreal. Nothing made sense and it never would ever again.