SKINNY || HYUNHO

IV

Hyunjin's life had become a delicate balancing act, teetering on the edge of collapse. The lack of food and the grueling exercise routine were taking their toll. Each morning, he felt weaker, his vision blurring when he stood up too quickly, but he pushed through, convincing himself that it was for the best.

He couldn't ignore the gnawing hunger that had become a constant presence, like an insatiable beast clawing at his insides. Eating was a battle between his body's desperate pleas for nourishment and his mind's relentless calculations of calories. Each bite filled him with overwhelming guilt and anxiety, but his body screamed for relief.

When Minho invited him to the cinema, Hyunjin felt a mix of excitement and dread. He wanted to enjoy Minho's company, to feel the warmth of his friend's presence, but he was also terrified that Minho might see through his fragile facade.

They met in front of the cinema, Minho greeting him with a bright smile. "Hey, Hyunjin! Ready for the movie?"

Hyunjin forced a smile in return. "Yeah, let's go."

They bought their tickets and snacks, Minho insisting on getting a large popcorn to share. Hyunjin hesitated but didn't want to raise any suspicions, so he took a small handful, his stomach both grateful and anxious at the same time.

The movie was a welcome distraction, and for a while, Hyunjin allowed himself to relax. Minho's presence was comforting, his laughter and comments making Hyunjin feel at ease. It was a brief respite from the storm raging inside him.

As the credits rolled, Minho turned to Hyunjin. "That was fun. We should do this more often."

Hyunjin nodded, a genuine smile forming on his lips. "Yeah, I had a great time."

Minho's eyes softened, a hint of concern visible. "You sure you're okay, though? You've seemed a bit off lately."

Hyunjin's heart raced, but he quickly masked his anxiety. "I'm fine, really. Just a bit stressed with school and stuff."

Minho didn't press further, but his concern lingered. As they left the cinema, Minho suggested, "Hey, want to grab something to eat? There's a really nice diner nearby."

Hyunjin's stomach twisted at the thought, but he didn't want to disappoint Minho. "Sure, that sounds good," he replied, trying to sound enthusiastic.

The diner was cozy, with warm lighting and the comforting aroma of freshly cooked food. They found a booth by the window, and Minho ordered a couple of milkshakes and fries for them to share. Hyunjin stared at the menu, anxiety bubbling up as he tried to choose something that wouldn't send him spiraling into guilt.

Minho noticed his hesitation. "You can get whatever you want, Hyunjin. My treat."

Hyunjin managed a small smile. "Thanks, Minho. I'll just have a salad."

Minho nodded, though his eyes reflected a mixture of understanding and concern. They chatted as they waited for their food, and Hyunjin found himself laughing genuinely for the first time in a while. Minho had a way of making everything feel lighter, his infectious energy breaking through the dark clouds that had settled over Hyunjin's mind.

When the food arrived, Hyunjin picked at his salad, forcing himself to take small bites. Minho, on the other hand, dug into his burger with gusto, pausing only to dip his fries into ketchup and offer some to Hyunjin.

"You sure you don't want any fries? They're really good."

Hyunjin shook his head, trying to keep his voice steady. "No, thanks. I'm good with this."

They talked about their favorite movies, shared stories from their childhoods, and discussed their dreams for the future. The more they talked, the more Hyunjin felt a sense of belonging that he hadn't experienced in a long time. Minho's laughter, his easy smile, and the way he genuinely listened made Hyunjin feel valued and seen.

As they walked home, Minho stopped by a park bench and motioned for Hyunjin to sit with him. The night was calm, a gentle breeze rustling the leaves. Minho leaned back, looking at the stars. "You know, Hyunjin, I'm really glad we became friends. You're an amazing person."

Hyunjin felt his heart swell with emotion. "Thanks, Minho. You don't know how much that means to me."

Minho smiled, his eyes sparkling. "Anytime. Just remember, you're not alone. You can talk to me about anything, okay?"

Hyunjin nodded, a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to believe Minho, wanted to open up about the turmoil inside him, but the fear of being judged, of being seen as weak, held him back. Instead, he just said, "I will. Thanks, Minho."

When they finally parted ways, Hyunjin felt a bittersweet mix of warmth and sadness. Minho's kindness was like a balm to his soul, but it also highlighted the stark reality of his own struggles.

That night, around three in the morning, the hunger became unbearable. Hyunjin lay in bed, his stomach growling incessantly. He tried to ignore it, to focus on anything else, but the need for food consumed him. Finally, he gave in, telling himself he would only eat a small chocolate bar.

He crept to the kitchen, the house silent and dark. As he unwrapped the chocolate bar and took the first bite, a wave of relief washed over him. But it wasn't enough. His body, starved for so long, craved more. Before he knew it, he had eaten another chocolate bar, then a bag of chips, then anything else he could find.

He devoured the food with a frenzy, barely tasting it, his hands shaking. When it was over, he stumbled to the bathroom, staring at his reflection in the mirror. His mouth was smeared with chocolate, his eyes wide and filled with shame.

Tears welled up and streamed down his face as he whispered to himself, "You're such a pig. No wonder no one could ever love you."

Panic set in, and he knew he couldn't let all those calories stay in his body. Desperate, he knelt in front of the toilet, forcing his fingers down his throat. The act was violent and painful, but he felt a sick sense of relief as the food came back up, as if he could purge himself of the shame and guilt.

When he finally stopped, he leaned back against the wall, exhausted and trembling. His throat burned, his eyes were red and swollen from crying, but a grim sense of determination settled over him. He vowed that the next day he wouldn't eat anything. He would work out three times as hard at the gym. He had to make up for this, to prove that he had control, that he could be better.

As he sat there, the cold tile floor beneath him, Hyunjin felt the weight of his choices pressing down on him. He was trapped in a cycle of self-destruction, but he didn't know how to break free. The thought of Minho brought a flicker of hope, but it was quickly overshadowed by the belief that he was unworthy of such kindness.

Tomorrow was another day, another chance to be stronger, to resist. But tonight, Hyunjin was left alone with his despair, his tears, and the haunting reflection of his own suffering.