SKINNY || HYUNHO

V

Hyunjin woke up feeling like he had been hit by a truck. Every muscle in his body ached, his throat was raw, and he had barely enough energy to pull himself out of bed. But he told himself he deserved it. He had behaved like a pig last night, and this was his punishment.

He stumbled to the bathroom, avoiding his reflection in the mirror as he stepped onto the scale. The number stared back at him, mocking him. He had barely lost any weight since the last time he weighed himself. Hyunjin felt like a fraud, a failure. He needed to try harder, push himself more, be better.

After forcing down a small sip of water and some vitamins, he dressed for school, each movement a struggle. His mind was foggy, and his limbs felt heavy, but he pushed through. He had to. This was the price of perfection.

At school, Hyunjin could barely concentrate in his classes. His vision blurred, and his thoughts drifted. The hunger gnawed at him, but he told himself it was worth it. Everything had a price, and he was willing to pay it.

By lunchtime, he was dizzy with exhaustion, but he forced himself to walk to his locker. As he approached, he saw Minho talking to another student. The boy had chubby cheeks and an easy smile, and Minho was laughing, his eyes sparkling with genuine joy.

Hyunjin's heart twisted painfully in his chest. He watched as Minho's gaze softened, a hint of a blush on his cheeks. The other boy looked at Minho with stars in his eyes, and Hyunjin felt a pang of jealousy and despair.

Unable to bear the sight, he turned away quickly, only to bump into Derek, his tormentor. Derek sneered, his voice dripping with venom. "Well, if it isn't the disgusting pig. You're a joke, Hyunjin. Thinking someone like Minho could ever be interested in you? You're just a pathetic, fat loser."

Hyunjin's stomach churned, a mix of fear and self-loathing rising up. He tried to walk away, but Derek blocked his path, leaning in closer. "Face it, you're a nobody. Minho is perfect-tall, charismatic, strong, social. Everything you're not. And no one wants to be with a disgusting freak like you."

Hyunjin swallowed hard, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. Derek's words cut deep, each one reinforcing the harsh thoughts he already had about himself. He pushed past Derek, stumbling into the bathroom. He locked himself in a stall, sinking to the floor as silent sobs wracked his body.

He stayed there for what felt like hours, trying to pull himself together. When the final bell rang, he gathered his things and walked home in a daze, avoiding everyone. Once home, he decided to hit the gym, driven by a need to punish himself, to make up for his perceived failures.

The gym was nearly empty, and Hyunjin started his workout with a vengeance. He pushed himself harder than ever before, running on the treadmill until his legs felt like they would give out, lifting weights until his arms trembled, and doing sit-ups until his stomach muscles screamed in protest.

He kept going, his mind a blur of self-hatred and determination. He had to be better, had to make up for his lack of control. Sweat poured down his face, and his vision darkened at the edges, but he refused to stop. The physical pain was a welcome distraction from the torment inside his head.

Eventually, his body could take no more. He stumbled off the treadmill, clutching his stomach as a wave of nausea hit him. He rushed to the bathroom, hoping to purge the emptiness inside him, but there was nothing to vomit. He dry-heaved, his throat raw and his body convulsing with the effort.

When he finally left the gym, it was late, and the sun was setting. He walked home, his legs feeling like lead, his mind clouded with exhaustion and despair. As he neared his house, he saw Minho jogging in the opposite direction. Minho's face lit up when he saw Hyunjin.

"Hey, Hyunjin! Are you okay? You look really pale," Minho said, concern evident in his voice.

Hyunjin's anxiety spiked, and he couldn't handle the genuine worry in Minho's eyes. "I'm fine," he snapped, his voice sharper than he intended. "Just leave me alone."

Minho looked taken aback, hurt flashing across his face. "I was just worried about you..."

Hyunjin's heart clenched, guilt mixing with his anxiety. "I don't need your pity," he said, his voice trembling. "Just go away."

He turned and hurried towards his house, not daring to look back. As he reached his room, he collapsed onto his bed, the weight of his actions crashing down on him. Tears spilled from his eyes, the sobs he had held back all day finally escaping.

His mind was a whirlwind of self-loathing and despair. Derek's words echoed in his head, mingling with his own doubts. He felt trapped in a cycle of endless pain and disappointment. Nothing he did seemed to be enough.

The thought of Minho's hurt expression only made it worse. How could he ever believe someone like Minho could care about him? The answer was simple: he couldn't. He wasn't worth it.

Desperation clawed at him, and darker thoughts began to surface. Thoughts of punishing himself further, of finding some way to make the internal pain external. He looked at his wrists, imagining the relief that a blade might bring, the physical pain overshadowing the emotional turmoil.

But deep down, he knew it wouldn't solve anything. It would only make things worse. He took a shaky breath, trying to push the thoughts away. Instead, he focused on his vow to eat even less and exercise even more. Maybe then, he could find some semblance of control, some measure of worth.

Tomorrow was another day, another chance to prove himself. He had to keep going, had to be stronger. But tonight, Hyunjin was left alone with his tears, his fears, and the crushing weight of his own expectations.