deadman's madness// TG

Chapter 1: Darkness

'Where did I go wrong?'

This is a question I ask myself every night. That and 'Will it ever end?

I'm laying on top of bed with the lights turned off and the curtains closed. Darkness surrounds me and I shudder at the thought of light. More than a dozen empty coffee cups sit on my desk beside a pile of schoolwork that I was meaning to get caught up. Its been this way for several days now. I haven't eaten and I am weak but I am going to stay this way.

I look down at my toes and shudder. The blackness of my toenails reminds me of the torture. My appearance has changed so much since that day. My hair, once black and neat, is now as white as my pale skin. My fingernails are black and my left eye is an angry shade of red.

'I need to eat,' I say out loud. I haven't spoken since the torture day and my voice is hoarse and cracked. I don't know why I spoke; there has been nobody but myself living in this house for years now.

The thought of human flesh filled my mind. It would be pure bliss to feed on a human but that would mean leaving my room and facing the CCG. I wasn't ready for that. I wasn't ready for anything.

Hide's face came into my thoughts. I thought of how kind he was to me on that first day of school, of how I could always rely on him for advice of anything. He was the one who told me that the library date with Rize was a dumb idea. I guess he was right there.

I thought about how he would react when he found out my true form. I thought about him running away from me and calling the CCG. I thought about him scared and angry trying to fight me. I thought about his body lying lifeless as I ate the flesh of my best friend... my only friend...

I slapped myself in the face so hard the pain reminded me of the torture day. I couldn't think like that. I would never hurt Hide. Never.

'SHUT UP KANEKI!' I screamed in frustration.

I really need to get out of this room. But I'm stuck here until I find the strength to go and make myself another cup of coffee.