deadman's madness// TG

Chapter 2: Mask

Its been the longest 2 weeks I have ever spent inside but today is the day. The day i venture outside to eat.

I have been living off coffee for this past fortnight and my body is frail. When i look in the mirror i see a hollow face, one so unlike the healthy rounder face i had in my before days. I cry. I am horrible and repulsive. I am a ghoul, what the hell do you expect.

I leave my room before the self destructive thoughts filled my mind. My heat is light from the lack of nourishment and i cant distinguish between the real and the crazy shit that my mind is thinking. I go to grab my eyepatch and mask sitting on the empty kitchen table, but my conscious is telling me that that is a crap idea. Not that I have any better ideas.

Instead I opt for a bandana and wrap it around mt moutg. I put on my white eyepatch to cover my blood red eye. To be honest this disguise is pretty shit but its the best I can do since the CCG already have seen and taken a record of my mask.

I walk out the the dark hallway and pause. How am I even going to get my flesh? I can't commit murder out in the open so I guess I'll have to go down a dark allyway. The thought of eating my own kind repulses me though; so much so that i drive my fist into the door.

The pain is the only thing that keeps me balanced. It reminds me that I am still living even though I feel like a dead man. I look diwn at my hand which should me black and swollen from seversl broken bones,however, the only black I can see is the colour of my fingernails.

I banged my head against the wall in frustration at my own weakness.

'You're a ghoul, Kaneki. Eating humans is not cannibalism,' I mutter to myself.

'Talking to yourself is the first sign of madness!' My mum always joked about that when she would mutter to herself. To be honest, I think the first sign of madness is when the world around seems too crazy and you feel like the only sane person.

I may not be living, but i am surviving. At the minute, that's all I need to keep doing. Not for myself. But for Touka. For Hinami. For Hide.

I open the door .