"Teddy, that is... I- I gotta call you back, okay? Sorry.", Meredith let out as she watched Nick approaching the door. She couldn't even hear Teddy's response, as she had already hung up on her and thrown her phone onto the couch. There were more important things right now. A more important person, to be exact. She couldn't screw this up again.
"Nick!", she let out, trying to be as loud and distinct as possible without waking up the kids. "What, Meredith?", he said turning around on the doorstep. He was angry, and rightfully so. Once again, Meredith hadn't made him a priority. Their conversation from about a year ago echoed inside both of their heads.
"You took the Boston job without even talking, without even thinking of talking to me.", he had said to her back then. And it felt like they hadn't moved an inch away from that. At least from Nick's perspective. Meredith was constantly pushing him away. Of course, she needed time – he understood and respected that. However, it didn't make him hurt any less.
Meredith on the other hand, was also hurt. Not because of Nick. She was hurting overall. The Alzheimer's research, Amelia constantly brining up Derek – it was draining. She knew that this didn't give her permission to not let him in, to push him away, once again. And when Nick even mentioned the word marriage, it scared her. It overwhelmed her – but not in a way she thought it would...
From an outside perspective, you'd yell at them for communicating so badly. They both knew that. However, here they were. Both doing, what they knew best. Nick, walking away. And Meredith, pushing him away. A doomed combination really – doomed to fail. If they both didn't have this unconditional love for one another. A love that made it worth fighting for.
"I didn't mean it when I said that work is more important. It is important, yes. But not more important than you.", Meredith begun to explain. She phrased this so poorly, the moment she said it out loud, she knew it'd be misunderstood.
"Then what did you mean, Meredith? Because you literally said that it is.", he let out, his hands brushing through his hair. He wanted to walk out, he really did. But he knew Meredith – for her to hang up on that phone call and go after him, was big. It was a big step, and he acknowledged that. So, staying was the least he could do.
"I-... you know what we're working on. It's Alzheimer's, Nick. My mother's disease, my disease, possibly my children's and my sister's. It's just... I-...", she begun. She didn't know how to tell him. It was pathetic really, at least her mother would say so. But she was scared. Scared of not having enough time with him. Because if she had learned one thing in her life, it's that there is never enough time with the people you love. And of course, they've made a big step in their research today. However, given the circumstances, this wouldn't help her. Nothing would help her.
She'd eventually forget this incredibly kind man standing in front of her. And it was only a matter of years. Yes, Meredith didn't know for sure if she'd really get Alzheimer's one day. But with Derek's loss being so present due to Amelia's concerns, she couldn't help but focus on the fact that there's only a limited amount of time that people get to spend with their loved ones. Earlier, she had slipped. She told Nick that she'd love him forever. And she really wished that she could. But unfortunately, this wasn't up to her.
Now it was her mother's words that were echoing inside her head. The carousel never stops turning.
Nick watched Meredith as he was still standing on the doorstep. He knew her. He could tell that she was caught in some horrible thoughts. "Say it!", he let out, sounding harsher than he anticipated. "Say whatever is on your mind.", he repeated, a little softer this time, whilst taking a step back into the house.
