The 12 Steps

Step 12

Step 12: Service - Carry the message of the 12 steps to help others

Song: In my veins - Andrew Belle

Song: The Age of Believing - Aron Wright

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L I A M

March, April, May, June. The months ran together. So much happened that it became one whole memory. School wasn't the same, but it was okay. Georgie and I talked for a very long time. We were okay too.

I quit baseball. Alex cried. It was weird, but I reassured him that it wasn't because of our fight. Lincoln lives with Uncle Zach now, but we saw each other a lot. Everyone got their acceptance letters. Georgie got into USC's photography program. Leon and Diego were accepted at UCLA, both with partial baseball scholarships. The University of Michigan recruited Darren, and Alex got into Stanford. That was a hard one, but Lincoln helped me through it.

Lincoln also got into USC but decided to go to a community college instead. He said it was because he wanted to figure out what he wanted to do with his life but I knew he was just saying that for my sake.

The team won Regionals. They even made it on the local news. There was a picture of the entire team with Alex in the middle, holding up their CIF SoCal Regional Championship plaque.

We graduated. There were a lot of tears, mostly from Georgie, but there were some good pictures of it. And now summer was ending, time was passing quickly and college was about to start soon. Everyone was either packing or ready to move away in a day or so. The last person I saw today was Georgie, she was all set to leave in the morning and all I said to her was that I was sorry. She punched my arm, said it's been months, and hugged me.

Before I left her place, I asked her the question that had been stuck in my head for months—why she and Lincoln had been avoiding each other. She didn't really explain, all she said was 'things changed.'

They broke up from what I understood, though they weren't officially together. I also wanted to ask Lincoln about it, but I think the words would come out kind of heartless, so I didn't.

I couldn't help but feel stuck, everyone was moving on and starting to live their life. I had nothing. I couldn't move forward like everyone else, because I was still living in the past.

I always had this plan. A plan where I would graduate high school with the highest GPA, get a full-ride baseball scholarship to Stanford University, and then work my way to the Major League baseball teams. It was a plan Lincoln and I made when we were younger until he overdosed.

And then I created a new plan: to be better than him at everything. This way I could shake off the shadow of him that followed me everywhere and finally be somebody in my dad's eyes.

It didn't quite happen like that, though. I graduated with a 2.9 GPA. I didn't get a baseball scholarship to Standford University and I'm pretty sure my dream of playing in the Major Leagues is over.

I spent the last few months avoiding the baseball field and anything related to it. I wasn't physically incapable of doing what I love, but mentally I wasn't ready. And I don't know if I'll ever be ready to play again. I just wanted to step away from it.

That is until Alex told me the team was moving on to the semifinals. I think he was trying to get my blessing, so I told him they better make it to the Regional Championship or I would rain down hell on them.

I spent most of my free time catching up in school and attending therapy. Missing a session wasn't an option and not just because it was mandatory. The first time I missed one session, a cop came to my house. It was also the last time I missed a session.