A Ghost of Snow

35. Jaing Cheng

Jaing Wanyin looked at Lan Wangji's retreating back wondering if he could still take his brother back with him. After everything that had happened was it even appropriate to call Wei Wuxian his brother, how many more secrets did the younger have? Could it be that there were other times that he had taken upon himself just to keep Jaing Cheng out of trouble? Looking back, Wei Wuxian really had little to no self-regard, he would jump at every opportunity to play the hero and get into trouble in other people's stead. In his heart, Jaing Cheng knew why the juniors in his sect preferred his Senior over him, even he preferred Wei Wuxian over himself, the younger was easy-going, friendly and helped others without thinking about the consequences that he himself would have to bear.

Jaing Wanyin really wanted to be like him but could he? His mother had made sure that any feelings he had towards the younger would always be over-powered by jealousy and the need to be better than him. His father's disregard towards him had only fueled the fire leading him to believe that only if he did better than Wei Wuxian would he be appreciated. He wanted so badly to blame it all on his parents' neglect but he knew he was the one at fault, his sister had been subjected to a similar environment and yet she loved Wei Wuxian like anything in the world. Even though he cared about the younger too, he could never openly show, it would only lead Wei Wuxian to more of his mother's ire. While Wei Wuxian always made sure that Jaing Cheng stayed out of trouble, he was also trying to protect the younger in his own twisted way. As long as he wasn't too close to Wei Wuxian, Madam Yu would leave him alone, so he never dared to openly declare that his Senior Brother meant more to him than just someone who was meant to be his subordinate in the future. But what had it led them all to, now all he could do was watch as someone else took his brother away, someone who cared more about him, someone who loved him more, someone who could protect him better than he could.

He felt a small comforting hand on his shoulder, so similar to his brother's, could he still call him that, "I am sorry", he whispered more to himself than anyone else. He looked up to see who the hand belonged to, he wasn't too shocked to see that it was the white-haired young lady who had protected Wei Wuxian against the Sects back at the Qiongqi Road. Her touch was warm, so much like Wei Wuxian's, but the indifference on her face felt more similar to that of Hanguang-Jun's. He sighed, she fit the criteria to be Wei Wuxian's sibling perfectly. Before he could say anything to her, she took a seat beside him and then smiled at him, something told him that she hadn't done that enough times. He observed the two Lans who were left behind, their faces only confirmed his theory. He looked back to see her still watching him with the same expression, if she was a man, he would have slapped that stupid grin off her face, which looked like she was only trying to copy her brother. He looked at Wen Qing, who was still glaring at him, well he probably deserved it but that didn't mean that it did not make him uncomfortable. Two young ladies were staring at him with completely opposite expressions and he didn't know how to react, at times like these was when he truly wished that he could switch his soul with that of his brother's. To his utter relief, Wen Qing soon turned away and bowed to Grandmaster Lan and Zewu-Jun, "I shall take my leave then. A-Ning is waiting for me at the entrance. Feel free to summon us whenever needed.", she shot him another galre before walking past him and disappearing into the distance, he shivered thinking of the time when he had genuinely been attracted to her. Not long after Lan Qiren disappeared behind her too.

All the hair on his body stood up as he turned to look by his side again, where the young girl was still smiling creepily at him and the spot beside her was now occupied by a man with an equally creepy smile. Something told him, he would have to tread very carefully around this young girl. Zewu-Jun's expression was now similar to that of his younger brother's when anyone so much as even looked at Wei Wuxian, just with a smile on his face, if that even made sense. What perverts were these Twin Jades of Gusu, falling for people so much younger than them.

If he was in a better mood he would probably have left the place by then but he couldn't bring himself to even properly think about anything except the fact that Wei Wuxian had given up his most prized thing to save him and was now going to die in his stead. He remembered how proud his senior had been in his cultivation, how he loved his sword like it wasn't just a weapon but an extension of himself. He felt miserable knowing that he could never have done it if the roles were reversed. Sure he got captured purposely to let Wei Wuxian escape but the truth of the situation was that he had not anticipated Wen Zhuliu to be there. He had thought he could easily escape from the Wens after his Senior had safely gone back to their sister. He had never prepared himself to lose his cultivation for Wei Wuxian, neither had he thought of it.

"Sect Leader Jaing, you don't have to blame yourself for the choices he made. You couldn't possibly have stopped him even if you knew. He would have found a way anyhow.", the oddly smiling young lady said in a soft voice just like her brother's. However Jaing Wanyin couldn't agree with her even if he wanted to. He was guilty and no amount of reassurance could make him believe otherwise. He knew how selfish he had been and how it had made his Senior drift apart from him causing a rift that he could only wish to fill. He remained silent with his eyes downcast, his sword lying somewhere on the ground neglected like a worthless piece of metal. Could he ever wield Sandu again without being reminded of the sacrifice that another had made for him, someone who he had always reprimanded for being arrogant and mischievous? It turned out that this arrogant man was the one who could put himself down to save Jaing Cheng's pride from being crumbled. He struggled to accept that their bond that he once thought was strong and could withstand storms without faltering was now left in shambles because of his own actions and words.

"He gave you a second chance. Don't waste it. Don't throw it away because your arrogance does not allow you to accept someone else's support. There is no way you can save him now. I am sure that his only wish while he made this decision was for you to live well. If you refuse to accept and move on, I am afraid all his pain would have been for nothing. Don't nullify his suffering like that. He once put his life in danger to save mine as well. I blamed myself for it for a long time too but in the end, there is nothing I can do to change what has already been done. I can only look forward to staying by his side as long as he is here.", her voice was warm much like his own elder sister, the creepy smile long forgotten and replaced with the usual frigid expression.

He could only sigh in response, what else could he do, there wasn't anything he could do for Wei Wuxian, he dreaded facing his sister, he dreaded what her reaction would be to what her A-Xian had done, to the news that her little brother who she had loved like her own child was dying, if not today then tomorrow and it was all his fault.

"I want to see him.", he choked out, "Before leaving here. Zewu-Jun, please convince your brother to let me meet him once, it will only take about five minutes, I have something to tell him."

"Sect Leader Jaing, I don't-", Lan Xichen was cut off before he could finish, "It is very important. There are enough things I have to regret, I can't add one more to the list.", Jaing Cheng quickly added in order to persuade the Lan Sect Leader.

"Follow me.", Zewu-Jun said while he had already gotten up and started walking, Jaing Cheng followed behind him and the young lady, he noticed that they were headed to a rather secluded area of the Cloud Recesses. He looked around in a sea of purple gentians where a few fluffy white rabbits hopped around and a small house stood in the middle of it, of which the plaque read "Jingshi". He realised that this was Hanguang-Jun's personal residence, as expected of the indifferent, stone-faced Second Young Master Lan. They were soon at the door, which Lan Xichen knocked on. To his surprise, it wasn't Lan Wangji but Lan Qiren who opened it and invited them inside but not before eyeing him warily.

It was going to be a long five minutes.