Lifeboat Lighthouse

Chapter 6

Days 5-7 (Becky's POV)

It shouldn't have hurt this much. I barely knew her. She told me from the beginning that we couldn't be that close. It's not like we were dating. Irin and Nam warned me what the staff were like. We had only kissed once.

I knew it shouldn't hurt that much but it did.

It hurt as I have always struggled to bond with people, but for some unknown reason I had succeeded with her. Because a first kiss might not be important to some people, but it was important to me. Because I suddenly felt something besides the numbness that usually consumed me. It hurt because she was still wearing the fucking bracelet around her wrist I had given her just hours before, which he was crushing with his greedy fingers.

I liked her, and I had stupidly convinced myself that she could possibly like me too. I could bet that the brown eyed girl and her friends were all gathered laughing at me right now, the stupid little passenger on the ship who had a crush on Freen. Why had I been so naive? I let those thoughts invade my mind and consume it until tiredness finally got the better of me.

***

It was inevitable that I would see Freen again in some way, but I didn't realize how soon it would happen. The next morning my parents convinced me to join them on the top deck for Sunday brunch. I was just a few steps away from the passenger quarters when I heard the familiar voice my mind had feared hearing. Unfortunately, my mind and heart weren't on the same page. Her raspy voice still sent shivers down my spine, which only made me angrier.

"Becky!" Freen called me again, but I continued to ignore her.

"Earth to Becky!" she said with a laugh, squeezing my wrist lightly to make me turn and look at her. I quickly released my arm from her grip, as if she had burned me in the same way as a hot iron. I could see a little confusion on her face due to my reaction, but she decided to continue anyway.

"Some of us are planning to meet again after work, do you want to join us?"

"I'll pass." I replied dryly.

"Don't be boring! Come on." Freen continued jokingly, not having yet caught the coldness in my voice.

"Why, Freen? Why do you want me to be there?" I blurted out, unable to hide my frustration any longer. The brown eyed girl seemed surprised by my sudden outburst, but she quickly  regained her composure.

"Because I have fun with you. I like spending time with you." she said as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well, I'm sure you can find someone else to have fun with." I spat venomously in response, moving my eyes away from her gaze with the hope that she wouldn't see the pain trying to escape from them with each passing minute.

Freen was silent for a moment, the confusion on her face growing by the second.

"Did I miss something?" she finally asked.

"I saw you last night, Freen. Tell me, is it just the bar guy, or do you alternate between the staff members and passengers who will take you to bed every night of the week?"

The words came out of my mouth before I even knew what I was saying. Freen's face fell into disbelief, mirroring the surprise in my own mind at my uncharacteristic mean response.

"W-Why were in the staff quarters?" Freen stuttered after a long, awkward pause.

"Right, the problem is that I was out of bounds." I replied with a high pitched laugh.

"Becky, I made it clear to you from the beginning that we couldn't..." Freen started, but I cut her off before she could finish.

"THEN WHY DID YOU KISS ME?" I looked around as I realized I'd said it louder than I meant to, but no one around us was paying the slightest bit of attention to us.