wishful thinking ✩ jj maybank

chapter eight

Aurelia wakes up the next morning. She notices the Chateau is completely empty — no John B or JJ, which is weird. Normally, she's the earliest riser. She's also surprised how awake she feels; she doesn't even wish she could be asleep for longer.

She walks down to the docks; maybe they're just fishing, or on the HMS Pogue down there, blocked by a tree.

Aurelia hears moving in the water. She walks over and sees her father, the same father she saw when he was on the stretcher.

A scream escapes her mouth. Why is he here? They took him away. He's getting ready to have a funeral, so why is he in the water?

She turns around and sees Big John walking towards her. "What—"

He shoves past Aurelia and dives into the water.

Thousands of clones of the people she loves are in the water, flailing their limbs, screaming for her help.

Her father, Big John, Lana Grubbs, John B.

Pope, Kiara. JJ.

"Stop!"

Aurelia covers her ears with her hands and screams until her voice dies out, hoping she can wake up from whatever hell this nightmare is.

And that's just what it is; a nightmare. One of her screams was too real, and it woke JJ up.

He shakes Aurelia awake.

She jolts upwards. "Stop, stop, stop, stop stop, stop, stop," she mumbles. She looks at JJ, then the docks. "But you—"

She doesn't understand. He was just drowning, being taken by the water. "I — he needs my help, JJ. I need to go." Aurelia stands up and walks to the edge of the docks. JJ gets up and follows her, but as he gets closer, she speeds up.

"Hey — Ells, what's going on?"

"He needs my help. My dad is out here, but I don't know where he went, Jay. I just — he's here somewhere, okay? He needs my help." Aurelia reaches the end of the docks, resting her hands on the edge. She doesn't see him.

He's not there.

Big John's not there.

Kiara, Pope, and John B aren't there.

JJ isn't in the water. He's standing next to Aurelia, not knowing if he can touch her or not. If he should comfort her.

She bites her lip, feeling it quiver. "JJ. Make it stop. Please make it stop, I don't — he was supposed to be here! I was going to save him, JJ. He was here a second ago. Where did he go?" She feels the tears slip down her cheeks, and his thumbs wipe them away.

She knows the answer. Aurelia knows where her father went — nowhere. He died, and she still can't accept it, she just pretends everything is okay, when really she feels like everything is falling apart and she's drowning. But hey, who cares about that? All that matters is if she's ready to go for the gold.

"I can't just storm in my house, asking for answers she doesn't have, John B! She needs time!"

Aurelia remembers the argument. Neither she nor John B apologized, they didn't bring it up.

When Aurelia said her mother needs time, she really meant she needs time. That's just not a luxury you get when you're friends with the Pogues, and she's learned to accept it, at least. "He's dead," she mumbles. Aurelia shuts her eyes, because maybe this is all just another nightmare. She knows it's not. "He's not going to come back, so I need to help John B, because maybe his dad will." Even though yes, Big John was — is? — not a great father either, Aurelia wishes she had a bad father again than no father at all.