MORE.//XXXTENTACION

Falling Down

Jahseh made his way over to the door, I heard the click of the door signaling that it had been closed. My body stiffened a little as this was my first time being alone with him in a long time.

Though I had hella liquid courage, I knew that once I decided to walk away that he would revert back to his old ways. It made me wonder if our relationship was something he genuinely wanted or was using as a past time. I felt the bed dip behind me, the only lighting in the room was coming from his en-suite bathroom, the room was dim.

His hands traveled slowly around my waist but all I could do was sit still.

Stillness in my thoughts and my body. I didn't know what to do as everything began to catch up to me at once. The girl he told me he no longer dealt with leaving this room, the clear indications of intimacy in the air and by the state of the room.

"Please get off of me." I said lightly. I felt him begin to rub the sides of my waist, something he would often do to get me comfortable and in the mood.

"Jahseh. Back up." I grabbed his hands roughly, taking them off and jolting from the bed. He looked at me in confusion and annoyance.

"What the fuck is this Vanity. You come in my shit antagonizing me and now you wanna act like you don't want me to fucking touch you?" His voice was slightly raised and I could see the resentment in his eyes, fighting through the dark glimmer.

"So from me antagonizing you...you got "touch me". You just finished having sex with the same bitch we got into it over the first time. The one that you made seem was no longer a factor. Don't come at me like I'm the one confusing you because I told you...ASKED YOU..Months ago..what the fuck this was and I got radio silence Jahseh." I said.

My voice was shaky from anger and irritation because no way was he irritated at the fact that he couldn't touch me. Another one of his selfish tendencies. Jahseh didn't know what he wanted but he knew he wanted it all and all isn't what I offer. I only offer me. No negotiations.

The room fell silent as the man stared at the ceiling. I stood my ground and leaned my head against the wall as I faced him. I wasn't leaving until I got clear answers.

"Jahseh...stop acting childish. You're wasting my time and yours..just say what you feel for once. You make things harder than they need to be, you don't have to. If you want me to leave tonight..to never talk to you again..to move on with my life I can and will. I need something." I said.

I didn't want to never talk to him again but, it was becoming difficult going in these endless circles of mind games. It was as though no progress was being made with us..Every time I came back home we were taking steps backwards when I thought they were forward.

Stagnancy. I hate stagnancy. I have a lot of my youth to live and I didn't want to spend it chasing a rapper all over Miami.

"It is what it is." Jahseh said quietly. My eyes lit up but not in the way I wanted but I had gotten a response.

An answer I did but didn't expect at the same time.

"What's that supposed to even mean.." I said, looking for further clarification before I exited this room. Once I exited this room I was exiting this man's life.

"What I just said. It is what it is. We aren't together." He said. My throat began to swell and my breathing began to hitch.

"S-So...you don't want-" I began.

"No Vanity! I don't want this.. I don't wanna keep leading you on. I'm not ready for commitment and these past few months you've been gone have been peaceful as fuck. I haven't had to worry about whether or not what I'm doing is gonna affect you or not because I care to deeply for you to hurt you and put you in my bullshit.." he said. All I could do was listen.