To Be With You | Shinchan X Kazama | BL

Chapter 9

Kazama

"Mom, I'm home." I said taking a seat on the sofa. "How was your day back at school?" Mom asked from the kitchen. "It was good. I'm happy to be back with the same friends again." I said. "Were you able to adjust? I mean the friends are the same but you haven't seen them in so long. And how are the teachers?" She said with a frown. "Don't worry, mom. I'm not a child anymore. Everything is fine. The teachers are great. I can adjust. Afterall kasukabe is where I grew up. And my friends here love me, no matter what." I assured her. "That's good. Let your friends know if you face any problems." She smiled. "Ofcourse mom." I smiled back. "I'll go washup."

"Will things be the same here?" I sighed to myself. When me and Senpai were dating we didn't exactly keep it a secret. Ofcourse we never really officially came out but we weren't hiding either. Senpai was popular and that's why nobody dared to say anything against him. But after the incident, I was alone and there was no Yuto Senpai to protect me. That's why I was usually picked on by other stronger boys. Before they usually only called me slurs and stuff. But without Yuto Senpai, the bullying just kept getting worse. Until one day, I was so badly beat up that I had to be hospitalized. That's when my mom realised things weren't good. Which is partly the reason why I came back to Kasukabe. Only partly cuz ofcourse I missed being here even if it wasn't for the horrible people there. And I couldn't bear being in the same place. So many memories. I couldn't possibly control myself from bawling my eyes out everytime I saw the rooftop where we shared lunch or the hallways where we walked hand in hand. The stairs from the second floor to the rooftop where we first met. I just...no I don't need to think about him anymore. I want to stop these thoughts. I felt numb. As if I haven't felt any emotions for a long time. I sat on the floor with my back against my bed. I pulled out the box under it and took out the blade I was hiding under all the letters and gifts from him. No, I'm thinking about him again. 'Shut up' I told my brain.

I held the blade staring at it and at my bare wrists for a minute. I slowly brought it towards my left hand. I pressed it against my wrist feeling my heart beating loud in my chest. I brushed it on my bare skin as fast as I can. And for a second time. Third. Fourth. Deep red liquid started dripping down from my hand. I watched it slowly dripping down, drop by drop. I held the blade again. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Six. These weren't as deep because I didn't have enough energy left to hold the blade firmer. But the red of the blood didn't mind that. It flowed out my skin like water. I looked at my hand again. It was red with blood that kept dripping on the floor. I looked at it once more and muttered,
"I'm crazy, right, Senpai?"