I sit in my bed hours at a time, just staring and thinking.
To be more specific, I think of You. If you were sitting here staring with me at the wall, imaging and pointing out every detail and shape we can see in it although there's nothing there for You. I think about if You will make fun of me for it - for not seeing what You see.
I sit in my bed for hours at a time, just staring and wondering.
I wonder if You read what I write like I read what You write. I wonder what You think about and if You wonder how much emotion we put into what we write, even if they're not directly for each other. But I know mine are. I wonder if You notice. I wonder if You notice the details. I also wonder why you don't respond - I wonder why I'm angry when I know that you don't mean to be rude. I wonder if I'm a bad person and I'm unknowingly pretending to be somebody who's caring and nice.
I sit in my bed for hours at a time, just staring and wishing.
I wish we could understand each other, I wish we could work around barriers - I wish to communicate when we can. I wish for You to get better and love yourself like I do when the clock turns 11:11, I truly do. I did it today, and I'll to it every chance I get. That's my wish. I wish You were also with me. I wish You won't leave me. I wish I can be better for You.
I wish the best for You.
I sit in my bed for hours at a time, just staring and apologising.
I apologise for You, for myself.
I'm sorry for everything, what You have to go through, sorry for bothering You, sorry for not deleting those bad photos of You, although in my opinion they weren't that bad, sorry for being rude, sorry for being sorry for being sorry about something unknowing, sorry for You. I love You.
I sit in my bed for hours at a time, just staring, thinking, wondering, about You, and wishing and feeling sorry for You.
I want You.
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(slight ish vent boohoo waaaah)
