Take a Chance with Me

But Daddy I Love Her (Jhoanna's Cry)

"Jho, ano tong Jhocey Jhocey ha? Anong pinanggagawa niyo ni Stacey?" My father's words cut through the joyful memories of our trip to Hong Kong like a blade, shattering the happiness into shards that lodged painfully in my heart. My stomach twisted into painful knots, a physical manifestation of the turmoil his words unleashed. "Ano na lang sasabihin ng mga tita mo? Ng mga pinsan mo? Mabuting ehemplo ba yan? Kung sumali ka pala sa Bini para mag-tomboy ka, sana hindi na lang pala tinuloy yan."

I just learned these people only raise you to cage you

His voice was filled with a venomous mix of anger and disgust that stung more than any physical blow could. The disappointment in his eyes was a heavy weight that pressed down on me, suffocating me. It hurt more than I could express to hear such vitriol from my own father. I hadn't even sorted out my own feelings for Stacey. I loved being with her. To me, she was one of the most beautiful souls I had ever encountered. People didn't see the beauty she possessed the way I did. Even photos couldn't capture her essence. Stacey was girly, funny, and seemed to bring her own ring light wherever she went, glowing effortlessly. She even wore a Snow White costume to one of the Star Magic balls we attended, and she looked absolutely breathtaking.

Dutiful daughter, all my plans were laid
Tendrils tucked into a woven braid
Growing up precocious sometimes means not growing up at all

But my family... I was raised in such a guarded way that I wasn't even allowed to commute to school alone. My future seemed meticulously planned out by my parents that I set myself to get married by 27 and have kids, all to please my family. The constraints of their expectations were like iron chains around my heart.

Then Bini came along, changing the course of my life. I met incredibly talented girls, and we grew up together, becoming a family. Stacey, or Staku as we affectionately called her, was my best friend. She was always there, teasing me, yet also my constant companion. She would even shower with me, our bond growing stronger from being the only children in our respective families. It was fun, until one day, something shifted. I began to want more. Yes, we kissed, but I thought it was just fun for her.

"Best friends kiss, right?" she would say, brushing it off casually. But I craved more intimacy, wanting to be alone with her, to explore these confusing feelings that churned inside me like a storm.

My father's harsh tone made it clear that I couldn't explore anything with Stacey. "Ayoko na nag-sleepover kayo. Ayoko nagdidikit ka sa kanya. Iwasan mo siya."

Tears began to well up and spill over. "Pero Daddy, best friend ko si Staku," I pleaded, my voice breaking.

"Pwes, itigil niyo na yan. Pakiusap, Jhoana. Wag mong bigyan ng kahihiyan ang pamilya natin. Mahiya ka sa lolo at lola mo."

His sternness left no room for argument. His eyes were cold, his jaw set in a grim line. I knew I had to obey, and it broke my heart. After this vacation, I would have to distance myself from Staku. The thought of losing my best friend tore me apart. Could I really bear to lose her, the one person who made me feel understood and loved? I felt the weight of my family's expectations crashing down on me, and I couldn't see a way out.

That night, I lay in bed, the room dark and silent, the only sound my quiet sobbing. Memories of Stacey flooded my mind: her laughter, her radiant smile, the way her eyes sparkled when she was happy. Each memory was a dagger in my heart, a reminder of what I was being forced to give up. The pain was unbearable, and I felt as though I was being torn apart from the inside. My father's words echoed in my head, a relentless torment. I felt trapped, caught between the love I had for Stacey and the oppressive expectations of my family.

I had no choice. I had to let her go. The thought of losing her forever was a dark abyss that threatened to swallow me whole. I clutched my pillow, trying to stifle my cries, but the sorrow was too great. The next morning, I would have to face Stacey and tell her that we couldn't be together, that our love had to remain a secret, buried deep where it could never see the light of day.