Call me crazy

She is on to me.

I want so badly to be perfect. Yes, of course I have heard the occasional "Beauty is from within" and "Nobody is perfect" oh and my least favorite " You don't have to be perfect, you just have to be real". Every one of those quotes that you've memorized from Tumblr, I've heard them. Mostly from my new therapist Lisa. I am pretty sure you are confused as to what I am even talking about, but for you to completely understand I have to take you back to two weeks ago back at Smithfeild high.

"It's all too much" I let out an annoyed groan as I studied myself in the fifth outfit I have tried on this morning. I have the urge to clean that tiny smudge on my mirror. Crap. Okay Aria. One breath. Two breath. Three breath. Four breath. All of these outfits were just plain wrong. This one was too flashy, the other one was too plain, and one of them made me look like a demented blue berry. I dug my fingers into my upper thigh four times. Your okay. Just make it through the morning. My mom walked in on all of my personal chaos. Too many reasons why I hate when that happens. One, I don't want my mom to think I am a psycho,Two- It's an invasion of my privacy, and three- she always starts asking me questions like she's worried about me. It gives me nausea and puts my stomach into knots. This time- thank God- she brought me good news. She comes in with a forever 21 bag and my face lights up like Christmas tree. My mom looks and me with that same smile she puts on when she hears me sing. WOW. What would I do without her? My mom hands me the bag and I can't help to cross my fingers that it's wearable. And it really was. "Maria Castillo, my mother has a fashion sense!" I said with an extra loud gasp. She rolls her eyes and says " My daughter, have I not told you a million times 'mother knows best'". I gave her a thankful smile and she smiles back with so much love, and kisses my head and exits my room. I pull out the gorgeous blue printed romper. It had cute little pom-poms on the hem of the shorts and I struggled to pull it up over my large thighs. Puerto Rican problems man. I filled in my eyebrows and applied my favorite L'Oreal mascara. I threw on my lacy cardigan and sandals on and poked my silver stud earrings through my ear lobes. I was about to walk down stairs and out the door when I realized my lips were chapped. I went back up stairs and rubbed my eos lip balm all over my lips. Then spent the next five minutes putting on my peachy colored lipstick. I was startled when my phone suddenly started vibrating. I picked it up and read the name " A' stars group chat"

Anastasia, one of my best friends texted " You better look cute today or Caleb will break up with you". I sucked in four deep breaths. One breath. Two breath. Three breath. Four breath. You are under control Aria. What she has to say is irrelevant. I continued with my daily routine, with Anastasia's stupid comment overpowering my thoughts like some huge storm cloud. Like I said, I truly strive for perfection and walking into school on my 'A' game is a make it or break it thing for me. Don't ask me why but I haven't exactly found that out yet. Oh, I forgot to mention. I have a serious obsession with the number 4. I do everything in fours, I mean EVERYTHING."Alright, I think I'm ready" I said with a sigh in my bathroom mirror. I pulled out my iPhone and took a bunch of selfies. Each four at a time of course.

Beep. Beep. "Anastasia" I said with an annoyed voice and rolling my eyes. I love her sometimes but she repeatedly gets on my last nerve.No lie."I'm outside your house" she wrote, with her signature purple heart emoji. "K. I'm on my way out" I texted back. I walked down stairs to the kitchen where my mom was dividing groceries by expiration date.I swear my mother is the most weirdest woman ever. I walked up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I am on my way out mom, Anastasia and her mom are picking me up." My mom gave a nod of approval while waving me off. " Have fun at school!" she said with an enthusiastic smile. I loved how happy she looked when she showed her gorgeous teeth and her eyes crinkled up at the corners of her eyes. God I love my mom. Okay. Breath one. Breath two. Breath three.Breath four. I dug my fingers into my back four times and headed out the door. Anastasia was waiting with a back handed smile in her moms sleek black BMW. They had the roof pulled back and she looked like something out of mean girls. I wish I could smack that smile off of that girl sometimes.

The car ride consisted mostly of Anastasia's big mouth speaking extraneously. It's like she knows everyone's secrets, or maybe she just think she does. Sometimes just hearing her gossip about people makes me sick. It makes me wonder if she knows my secrets too. That's why I am not willing to get on her bad side. As badly as I want to stand up to her and have her reign of terror in my life be over, I know it's not possible. I have to deal with it because my life is as boisterous as it gets and I can't risk having my secrets spilled by her. Trust me, she is a very fashionable girl I don't think she just likes to accessorize herself, she probably likes to "decorate" her lies too. Ugh. Just thinking about this gives me anxiety.Why is my heart pounding so fast? Omg, just chill Aria. You are in control. Breath one. Breath two. Breath three. Breath four.

"Aria. Aria. Hello earth to Aria!" growled Anastasia. She really does remind me of mean girls. All she needs to say is on "Wednesdays we were pink" and it's set in stone. I was spaced out. Play it off." Yah?" I said as calmly as it gets. "You should text Caleb, he's probably waiting for you in the court yard." she said with an inexplicable attitude".Why?I'll just meet him."I said slightly confused as to why I should know where someone is 24/7. She shook her head in disappointment. "Hunn, you have to show him that you care, or else you'll loose him before he's even yours. Tuns of girls think he's a catch. It took hard work for me to get you into the same social group as him." I am not going to cry. Why is this lump in my throat? Omg. Breath one, two, three.This isn't working!" He was my first relationship.Cela est horrible. Pourquoi moi?(This is horrible. Why me? Sorry, I pout in French.)