Check In Book

5/28/24

Me and my bf just broke up suddenly and I don't know how to feel about it. I'm just zoning out and staring at nothing while listening to music.

I feel like my heart just got torn out of my chest and my intrusive thoughts want to rip my eye out so I wouldn't have read the message. Would he stay with me out of pity if I'd done that? He said he fell out of love with me so maybe I shouldn't be thinking like this.

I feel numb and instead of resting bitch face I have a resting sad face. My cheeks feel hallow and stuck to my teeth. My tongue is dry yet my mouth is flooded. I'm teary eyed but it's drying too fast for me to cry.

I keep zoning out while writing this and I just feel stuck in a way.

I want to go swimming in cold water, float away as my breathing gets slower everyday.. I feel so tired. I'm kind of mad my mom let me sleep in today because maybe I could have kissed him today.

Now I just feel so stuck, like I'm drowning in my own indecisiveness and the want to pull the teeth out of my mouth, to snip my tongue.

I want to write books but I don't think anyone would like me coming up with torture methods, especially with me in this state of mind. I wanna pass out, my eyelids feel so heavy.. Each time they drift closed, I start tearing up so I'll keep the wide eyed stare.

My bones feel itchy. My stomach feels so full yet I only ate some ice cream today. Full of air as I just want it to rise to my throat and I can dispose of my hatred.

What am I even talking about?

This conversation is aimless. No one will even care enough to read.