We never got over it

Never see him again-Charlotte

We're here and I can feel my heart sinking. Barron and I haven't stopped holding onto each other.

I think it's because we don't wanna lose each other because it can happen at any moment.

We walk into the morgue and I stay there frozen. Eyes shut. I don't know if I can see him like this.

"Before I show you, you must know that this can be graphic for you guys. Say the word and I'll take you guys home."

"No. We're ready" Barron says

He pulls out something that seems like a tray and there he is.

He's pale, he's cold, and he's dead and I can't breathe.

His arms are covered. That's how he died. Barron seems to have lost all little control he has when he came here.

The tears that were stinging his eyes start flowing down his cheek.

I touch Damien's hand knowing that's the last time I'll ever touch him again. His hand was always warm and now they're cold.

I can't imagine what he must have been going through. I can't imagine why he wouldn't say something to us.

I would have been there for him.

"Lottie we have to go" Barron says and his voice cracks.

" But I'm never ganna see him again" I say in between sobs and I'm on the floor.

I don't care how I look right now because I just lost one of the most important people in the world so nothing else matters.

Suddenly I'm thinking that I didn't really know him at all.

Was I really that selfish to not notice he was struggling? Barron and the officer helps me up and I manage to get to the car.

He drops us off at Barrons place because I can't be alone right now.

"Lottie I'm sorry I didn't help him . I should hav- I would've helped him.

I should have been there" he says as we're cuddled up in his room.

He stopped crying but I can see the tears hanging from his long eyelashes.

" yeah me too. Barron I don't know what to do now.

You guys were the only thing that kept me  afloat. I- I have to figure out why he did it. "

"Charlotte there's nothing we can do anymore I'm sorry.

I love and miss him like crazy but don't let this consume you. Okay ? Promise me Charlotte."

" How can you say that? I can't just forget about it Barron he was our best friend" I shout at him. I can't believe Barron would say that.

" No Lottie I'm not saying that, never forget okay?

Just don't spend all your time trying to figure out why he did what he did because I don't think we'll ever know.

I mean hell, we didn't even know he lived alone. There was probably a lot we didn't know"

" yeah" Is all I can manage to say. Then I drift off to sleep