We never got over it

Now were here- Barrons pov

Lottie is still laying in my arms alseep. I haven't been able to sleep a wink.

I can't tell her, not yet. I couldn't even tell the cops that I knew.

I knew that he lived alone and I knew that he was on drugs. Shit this is eating me alive. I never would have thought that he would kill himself.

I feel like crap, I should have tried harder to stop him.

Lottie will hate me once she finds out u lied to her.

I tried to protect her image of Daimen but the truth is that Daimen was no saint.

He was into shit that Lottie wouldn't be able to stomach. I tried to help him as best as I can but man there was only so much I can do.

There's so much I should have done. Lottie shuffles in her sleep and then I'm reminded that we need to be there for each other.

I just don't know how to tell her.

She'll tell me to go but I have to stay now. About a week before graduation I found out that I got into Cornell.

That's in New York, which is hours away from California. Daimen was the only person I told.

I didn't even tell my parents because they would be the first ones packing my bags to go.

It's always been their dream for me to get into that school.

But I can't leave Lottie, not now. It will break her to lose us both.

I look down and her bright green eyes are gazing at me.

I never seen her look like this. She's always in high spirits.

I hate to see my sweet girl like this. I have to be strong for her.

"Hey Lottie" I manage to say. She slept the whole night where but I couldn't wake her

" I slept here. My parents they-"

" i told them don't worry, they understand Lottie"

"I had a dream about him" she says and I can see the tears in her eyes

"Yeah?" I say

" I don't know how I didn't know Barron, I mean I thought we knew everything about him.

Who would ever leave their child alone like this"

" I don't know Lottie but the police said they'll update us on what was going on.

Let's go get you something to eat" I say and we walk downstairs. I don't want her digging into this.

"Hey guys how you feeling" my mom says carefully.

Everyone is on edge and my parents knew Damien well.

He would always come over and sometimes spend the nights.

One night he came back all bloodied and fucked up.

He isn't want a hospital but luckily I knew how to stitch.

I should have asked. I should have asked. I mean for fucks sake my best friend had a knife wound.

He told me that some guy tried to rob him and he got away. Like an idiot I believed him.

"Im hanging in there" Charlotte says, that's a lie.

I can see her falling apart right in front of me.

Hell I'm trying not to fall apart my self.

We're sitting at the table and Charlotte hasn't touched her food, neither have I.

I take a bite to maybe encourage her to do so as well. It doesn't work.

She's not even looking at me. She keeps staring at the wall with a blank stare.

"Why didn't you say you got into Cornell" my dad says as he bursts into the kitchen.

This guy can't read the fucking room. Or maybe he can but he just doesn't care.

That's how he is and I don't know what to even say to that.

She's staring at me now, her sad, green eyes are piercing into my brown ones.

I didn't want her to know this soon. Fuck.

" I was gonna tell you guys when the time was right" I say giving him a pointed look .

He knows why I'm scowling at him.

My best friend just fucking died and all he cares about is this damn school

" congrats baby, we'll all discuss it later" my mom says and I'm grateful for her compassionate side unlike my fathers.

Charlotte still hasn't said anything.

She says something about needing to go home and she excused herself.

I run after her to make sure she gets home safe.

"Wait I'll drive you" I say

" okay" is all she says and we're off to her house