Walk Away h.s punk/au

35.

yes, it's July and I'm writing about Christmas.

To say that the dinner was awkward would be an understatement. Leo sat directly across from me glaring with a ferocity I didn't know a five year old was capable of. Tiffany sat on my left which was something Katherine never did. Katherine always sat on my right. Always. She loved the feeling of me shadowing over her. Tiffany Green wanted to be the spot light. She wanted to fend for herself which was fine really because I didn't have the passion or energy to fight for her. At the head of the table sat Liam looking as fatherly as always with Nina fetched against his arm smiling like a fool over the ring he finally bought for her. Zayn and Perrie were in depth on wedding plans and Louis just kicked back with a lazy smirk, tickling Leo every once and a while. Tiffany tried really hard to win Leo over and to his credit he did smile a bit but it wasn't anything like he normally did. And me, well I felt out of place in my own home.

Tiffany nestled against me kissing me hand softly. "When are we going to drop Leo off?" she whispered in the seductive way she always did. I glanced at my watch and mumbled, "Soon. Nick hasn't called yet." This was my life now: painful awkward child exchanges and sex with Tiffany. I couldn't even try to say that I enjoyed it. I didn't know why I even bothered with her. Well, I actually did, I'm a weak drunk and Tiffany was a horny stoner. We made a great pair.

Nina tried being polite. She was fairly good at it, too. Making necessary small talk with Tiffany about things I couldn't care less about. The unbearable awkwardness was broke by Nick thankfully calling to say they had just left Katherine's parents' house for a quick visit before coming to pick up Leo. This, thankfully, gave me the chance to usher Leo around the house to pack up his things, which he did so far too happily for my liking. There was an unsettling feeling at the thought of Katherine taking Nick home to her parents. It solidified his role in her life. God help him, her family was crazy. I didn't have room to talk, mine was just as bad, and I'd assume Nick's was as well.

I couldn't think long when the doorbell rang and my stomach jerked before plummeting out of my body. Tiffany and Katherine would be face to face, in the same house. Maybe I was conceited, and thought they both would fight over who loved me more. But that wouldn't happen. Those two had gone through too much for a man, let alone me, cause problems. Even still, Tiffany didn't love me. Not the way Katherine had and I could almost feel the loss of love from her.

 Swallowing what little pride that remained, I opened the door, faking the best smile I possibly could. Katherine stood equally to Nick. She never wanted to be in front or behind anyone else. She wanted to be equal. The cold, snowy England air nipped at her pale skin flushing every exposed portion to a delightful shade of red. Nick's hand was clenched around Katherine's, which prevented any cold air from rushing between them. There was no space between them at all, they were one.

 Katherine tugged a little smile, a condensing one. Her warm eyes raked me up and down in a swift glance. She shuffled her feet while she leaned further against Nick as she nipped his shoulder. There was little time for awkward glances or forced conversation when Nick coughed and offered his free hand to me. "Harry." He greeted without a trace of emotion.

"Nick." I nodded just as solemn while I stepped aside releasing them from the cold door step.

Shuffling into the living room, Nina ran to Katherine and Nick enveloping them both in one massive hug. Soft laughs were exchanged for the sake of conversation. The tension was oppressive. Leo burst down the stairs, dragging his batman suitcase behind him. He darted past me, trying his best to ignore my presence. He shrieked with laughter momentarily but soon stopped opting for silence while he grabbed a hand from Katherine and Nick.

 I guess the worst part of it all was they looked like a proper family. "Let's go." He said far too seriously for a child.

Tiffany rose quietly, hesitantly approaching Katherine. The hurt in Kat's eyes was visible. Not blatantly obvious, but visible all the same. "Merry Christmas Katherine!" Tiffany used a friendly, warm tone to make up for sleeping with her best friend's boyfriend. I caught myself but decided not to correct myself. If I thought I was still her boyfriend, maybe she would too.

"Oh my God, Tiffany Green! How have you been?" And Katherine could play the game. She played the game well.

"Good, good I'm working at Dad's office." Tiffany reached out for a hug, which was quickly returned by Katherine. "What are you up to?"

Katherine laughed lightly, glancing over to Nick as her lipstick painted smile broadened. "Oh, nothing too exciting. I'm working at a little record store in London when I'm not in class. Trying to keep this old man in line." She pointed to nick in a jousting manner.

The two girls laughed yet again, the only sound in the house. Liam was watching critically while Nina offered a squinted glance of hatred at me. Quickly, not wasting anytime, Nick squatted down to Leo's height adjusting his coat and scarf.

 "Ready to go little lion?" Nick asked scooping up Leo. Leo shrieked with laughter, letting out a muffled yes.

Katherine grabbed his suitcase before running to get a quick hug from everyone else in the house. It was painful to see how they still wanted her, and she still wanted them. After making her necessary rounds she was left with me, her eyes softened just a bit.

"Merry Christmas Harry." She mumbled sounding tired and small while shyly offering a hug. I wasn't going to deny myself a chance to touch her again. She still had to stand on her tip toes to reach me. While her arms gently wrapped around me, I caught Nick's glance. It was smug, but sincere. "You're welcome." He mouthed. This was all because he asked her too. Yet, that still didn't make me any less pleased about the entire thing.

Just as she was about to pull away, she tilted her head slightly enough to whisper without being caught. Katherine paused a second as she drew her breath. "I still love you, too." It was faint; no one else could have heard or seen her do it. It was enough, though, to keep me fighting for her. I'd die fighting for her. I'd kill to hold her again.

Watching them pull out the driveway was just as heartbreaking as it seemed in the movies. Tiffany was a hesitant presence at my side. "You've got to tell her the truth Harry." I turned, crossing my arms as I leaned against the door frame.

"What?" I wasn't challenging her. I was genuinely distracted by the rush of warmth in my chest as I replayed Katherine's hushed tone. Her hushed tone was my tone. Only I heard it. I heard it in the middle of the night when it was just us most vulnerable under her sheets.

"That you didn't cheat on her. I've known her since we were seven. She'll forgive you. It might take a while, but she will."

"What about you?" I mumbled, pushing her towards my chest. Tiffany rested there, giving me easy access to her chest.

"I'm always forgiven. As awful as that sounds. I know nothing I do will ever have her mad at me for more than a couple of days. She's too reliant on other people's assurance. I love her to death. She knows that. I'll stop by her place for New Year's. Bring some fun stuff and we'll be fine." She paused for a second, looking down at her cleavage then up to me, " But for the current time, I've still got some sinning left in me before I repent to Saint Sweeny."

I hummed, licking my lips. Nina and Liam stared at me. Liam gave me the Sigh of Disappointment look. I chose to turn away and take Tiffany upstairs. I just couldn't help but wonder if later tonight Nick would be holding Katherine, if Nick would be making love to her, if he would say " I love you" and just what she'd say back. As Tiffany rolled away from me, and sleep drug me under, I heard myself say to no one, "I love you Katherine."