The Vicious cycle

IV: Pale city

--------------------
So quickly I can feel this going so differently than before. Part of me is happy, this might mean we can be done. This will be the last time I have to see this city, and then the last time I have to go to the Maw. I'll be free- maybe things will get better. But at the same time, I feel upset. To an extent I get comfort from mono. At least right now I know I can fully trust him, but I don't want to accidentally let my guard down and get my hopes up that this will end better than it did last time.

I don't trust Mono, and the last thing I want to do is give any indication we're friends. I mean, once this is over I'll miss him..I always do..but he's not safe or trustworthy. It's a bit frustrating trying to work through these emotions, while also trying to figure out what I'm even going to do to break the cycle. In the background I heard something. Humming. When I actually began to pay attention, I heard it was Mono humming, specifically Mono humming the tune of my music box. At first I was angry. How dare he? How dare he try to lull me into security? I know what you're going to do and I will never forgive you for it! Yet..yet he doesn't know that yet. Right now, his intentions are nothing but pure and caring... I felt myself moving, I crawled over and curled up with my head on his chest. It's soothing, hearing his heartbeat and the slight vibrations as he hums my song. I feel comfort. I feel safe.
--------------------

I didn't expect her to come so close. I had just hoped to relax Six a bit, she seemed upset, so I comforted her in the only way I knew how..I hummed the tune she was so fond of and tried to offer a hug. I felt relief when she accepted the gesture, and a small surge of joy knowing I had helped my friend. I like being close to Six in moments where we can just relax. She's still pretty tense, but I don't think there is really much more I can do. We've been through a lot even if she doesn't remember it. This world is scary, but at least we have each other.

After a little while it started getting foggy out, and the low hum of static met my ears. I knew how far away we were, and knew when to stop humming and start waking Six up. By the time the buildings had become clear she and I were standing and ready to disembark from our little makeshift boat. The pale city is silent and imposing. The way the buildings tower over us like giants is frightening, especially how they seem to lean towards us. It makes everything feel a bit more suffocating. I know that I'm sitting somewhere, up in the watchtower waiting to be let out. I take Six's hand as we get off the door and walk up the beach. Even the sand feels dirty somehow. On our way up I saw the static shadow image of a child standing nearby and I began to walk towards it despite Six trying to gently pull me back. I Just let go of her hand and reached out for the memory. I'm only a few inches away when it disappears, and sharp pain shoots through my stomach. I hear Six walk over as I fold in on myself, groaning in pain. "I'm fine, I'm fine." I assure her as the pain subsides.

She doesn't say anything, yet I can see the corners of her mouth pull into a frown. "I'm fine, see?" I say, standing up straight and putting my hands on my hips confidently. Six still stood there with the same expression. "It's okay." I once again insisted before taking her hand and gently pulling her forward.

When we first got into the building, we saw a hanging suit. I felt Six's grip on my hand tighten a bit, Does she get the same weird feeling as me?

---------
Everytime I see the man hanging in the maw, I know in my gut it's him. I know of course this suit is empty, but I still think back to it. I hate seeing it. Someone I held so close..he betrays me, and I hate him for it..but that's not the ending I want for him. I don't want him to die, but he has to for this to stop. I don't know what I want..
--------

I squeeze Six's hand back and we make our way across the floor to the little window. I let go of her hand and then stood to be able to give her a boost. "To help you get up. You boosted me earlier." I said when she gave me a confused look.
"Oh." Was all she replied with before accepting my help. Once Six was up, I got up after her. I gave her a boost to get through the window into the dinner as well. When it came to the high window, Six was faster than me in moving to boost the other one up so I went through. Swinging on the rope to kick the tv and boost me up stopped being fun ages ago, so I didn't dwell on it much. Once I was up, I shoved down the other TV to boost Six as well.

Next comes the part where I had to jump and let Six catch me. This part was harder. Everytime I jump towards her I think of the last time..To make sure I didn't hold us up too long, I jumped, but as I did so the image of dangling over that pit flashed across my mind. Those moments where she held onto my hand, the pause as I waited for her to pull me up and then that sinking feeling as I fell. Staring up and watching that ledge get smaller and smaller, further and further away from me-
"You good?" Six asked, her voice cutting into my thoughts.

I blinked, I was standing at the edge of the wooden board after Six had pulled me up. She was staring at me with a cross of confusion, annoyance and a bit of worry. "You good?" She asked again. I nodded.
"Yeah sorry, I guess I zoned out for a minute." I apologised.
"Alright. Do you need to sit down for a minute?"
"No, I'm good. Let's go." I smiled, taking hold of her hand and leading us forward. I don't know how she'd react if I told her. I don't want to risk making Six hate me, especially since I'm going to save us both this time. Without thinking my feet led me to where the memory on the ledge was. It hurt a bit more this time, I could feel myself crumpling and almost falling to the ground.
"Mono?" Six asked.
"I'm fine, I'm fine." I told her through gritted teeth. "Please give me a second." She nodded and stood to the side waiting for me to stand back up. I'm not sure why I'm going through and collecting these now..I haven't much cared for them in the past.

Once I was up again, it was time to keep moving forward. I let Six walk first on the plank, mostly to give myself a few extra seconds. The TV is close by, I can already hear the static. It hurts whenever I try to tune it. It hurts a lot, and disconnecting hurts twice as much as that.

I walked through the small area separating us from the tv, realising the static sounds were just in my head. It doesn't turn on until I'm actually in the room...Once I am, it sounds loud and overwhelming. Like my head is underwater with metallic screaming all around. I hold my ears and slowly make my way towards the TV. I'd go faster, but it feels like something is pushing me away with just as much force as it is pulling me closer. My head is pounding and my hands are shaky when I finally reach out and touch the screen. I focus as much as I can to try and tune it, every few seconds I feel something shove me away like a punch in the gut. My entire body feels like it's on fire, all I want to do is collapse on the ground and sob in pain but I can't let go of the signal yet. After a few moments I find the connection and I'm sucked in.

As I get up, I find myself in that hallway again. It's silent, but at the same time every sound is muffled around me. I get up in slow motion. I feel like I'm walking through some thick substance that barely wants to let me move. I try to sprint down the hall, but I know I'm barely moving. Everything feels so calm here..Like I could float in it forever.

Six pulls me out of static bliss, I feel dazed for a few moments after I hit the ground. She gets up but I remain on the floor. "I'm so tired." I tell her quietly. "I don't want to do this anymore."
"What?" She asks. I pause. I have to think of something to say and fast..
"I'm scared of what might happen next." I try. She doesn't say anything, she just sits there and stares at me. I don't know what she's thinking, I don't know if she believes me. After a moment though, Six sits down. She still offers no thoughts on what I said, but at least I'm getting a bit of rest. We stay like this for..Well I'm not sure how long. Eventually we get up though. I make sure to hold Six's hand, I know she's about to get kidnapped and I want to try and keep that from happening.