Heavy is the Head

XIX

By lunchtime Fantasia was completely ravenous. All through Loretta's class. She couldn't focus on her kingdom history project as Taraji had kept her hand on her thigh for the entirety of class. Fantasia had never felt so out of sorts in her life as she was still lingering on her earlier thoughts of their passion for each other not lasting. She wanted to cry and be held but also completely ravished at the same time.

"Fantasia," Taraji said, pulling her attention as they walked back to their wing. Fantasia stopped in her tracks, not used to hearing her full name from Taraji anymore. "Are you okay? You've been weird all morning and I'm worried."

"I'm fine. Sorry for not listening, what did you say?" Taraji wasn't completely convinced that Fantasia was fine, but she wasn't going to push the princess, knowing that Fantasia would tell her when she was ready.

"I was asking if you wanted to go out for lunch today. Danielle, Regina, and I are going to show Jurnee, Nia, and their lady royals our little cafe we always go to," Taraji asked, even though she could tell from Fantasia's mood that she wasn't up for being social.

"Will you be mad at me if I say no?" Fantasia knew that with the way she was feeling today she needed to be alone for a little while to sort out all of her issues. Her first plan was to call her mom because she really needed to get this urge thing under control.

"Never, baby," Taraji assured, pulling Fantasia into her arms and kissing her forehead. "You want me to bring you something back?" Before Fantasia could answer she heard Regina coming down the hall into their wing.

"Get a room," Regina teased with a laugh. It was refreshing to see her so relaxed around them now. Regina walked up to the couple, giving a slight hip bump to Fantasia before asking, "Y'all seen Dani?"

"No, but she'll get left if she ain't ready to leave when we leave for lunch," Taraji joked, even though she would never intentionally leave anyone. Regina just rolled her eyes and laughed, heading into their suite.

Taraji turned back to Fantasia with a smile. "Now, I believe you were just about to tell me to bring you back a turkey and cheese on wheat, no mayo with honey mustard and a Caesar salad with extra dressing on the side?" Fantasia stared at Taraji in awe at the fact that Taraji knew her order to a T. Sure they had made it a habit of going to that cafe for lunch often, but for Taraji to pay that much attention really got to Fantasia. She had never experienced anything like that before.

"Yeah and-"

"-A medium half sweet tea, 2 sugar packets, half lemonade with no ice, a small ice water, and a chocolate chip cookie from the bakery across the street?" Fantasia felt the tears before she even registered that she was about to cry. Taraji was also caught off guard by the tears. "Baby, what's wrong?" Fantasia was crying so hard that she couldn't speak and that worried Taraji even more. "C'mon let's go to your room. I'll text Dani and Gina to go ahead without me and I'll meet them at the cafe in a little while." Fantasia just nodded, trying to regulate her tears as Taraji led her into her suite. They got into Fantasia's room and settled on her bed with Fantasia in Taraji's lap. "Now what in the world is going on with you today?"

"I'm scared."

"Of what?"

"You love me."

"Very much. Yes."

"I love you too."

"I know. So, what's the problem?"

"What if we get tired of each other? Like we get so into a routine, and nothing is new and exciting, and we just end up settling for each other? I want to spend the rest of my life with you, and I know it's too soon to say anything like that and I'm sorry if it scares you, but I just don't want us to wake up one day and our spark be gone," Fantasia spilled. Taraji waited because she felt like Fantasia had more to say. "I was sitting in class today listening to you do your Shakespeare and I was so moved. Your way with words is so amazing to me and I couldn't help but feel like you were talking about me when you were reciting it. And as I sat there, I couldn't help but hope that you would talk about me like that forever. That anytime you thought about me your eyes got that bright and your smile that wide. That's when I got scared, because what if it fades? I sang that song today because that's what I was feeling in my heart for you. What if one day, I don't have a song in my heart? That's terrifying." Taraji let Fantasia breathe for a moment, just in case anything else wanted to bubble over and out.

"Fantasia, listen to me please?" Fantasia nodded, wiping her tears. "Every fear that you have is valid and I understand where you are coming from. Sometimes I also fear that this is too good to be true, but we can't let what ifs consume us. We're too good at communicating our feelings and building each other up for that, okay? I know we haven't been together for that long but every day I fall in love with you all over again, and I promise you the second that changes I will let you know, and I will do everything I can to fix it, because I too want to spend my life with you," Taraji explained. She kissed Fantasia's face, and she could see the worries melt away one by one. Fantasia sniffed and hugged Taraji tight.

"I love you so much."

"I love you too. Now I've got to get to lunch but I'll call you when we're heading back, okay?" Taraji even though her words urged separation, Taraji didn't let go until Fantasia was ready. Fantasia pecked at Taraji's lips lightly, moving off of her lap to let the princess go. Taraji dropped one last kiss to Fantasia's forehead and left the room. Fantasia flopped back on her pillow. She needed to call her mom.

—---

It's normal, darling. Was what Sheryl told Fantasia when she had called.

"But mommy, I don't want her to think that's all I want from her now, I don't want that to be all our relationship is about, and I definitely don't want to get addicted."

Then explain that to her, honey. But I guarantee you, now that you've experienced it once, your body is going to want it and want it bad for the next few days. Don't fight it if that's what you want, but don't force yourself to do it either. Sheryl explained gently.

"Yes ma'am. I'm sorry I keep bringing such awkward topics up with you, mommy," Fantasia sighed, playing with the hem of her uniform skirt.

That's what mommy's here for, and you know you have Jennifer now too if you ever don't feel comfortable coming to me. Okay?

"I understand." Fantasia's phone lit up with a text from Taraji explaining that they were walking in the castle, and she hearted the message, getting up so she could meet them in the hall. "Okay, mommy I've got to go. Love you."

I love you too, sweetheart. Bye bye.

As Fantasia watched her girlfriend come down the hallway towards her, she knew what her mother was saying was correct. She had an itch and she wanted it scratched. Immediately. Well, after she ate of course.