people pleaser

flickers

And sadness, can you rinse off like rain? I feel like it's been raining over me quite some time. socks wet and moldy, my fingers turn to prunes. i probably don't even recognize sunlight anymore. I wish i could turn it off, like a switch. and yet..

i wanted to kiss his neck, just once. both of them, all of them. how long can you go before you're considered touch deprived?

i left the windshield wipers on. they were too slow, so the car lights were blinding me.
so much it burned. but i looked-

anyway,

sometimes i worry i'll die with a broken heart. that's what i told you. i hadn't been honest with someone (even you) like that in a long time. i wonder if you noticed, how my stomach dropped. this was beginning of the blurring.

i started feeling stuck. again. but this time i was filled with a slow hatred or anger or rage and hurt. it burned all day and night, that fire. i watch as it dies out, shivering and hopeful, but even then i breathe in the ashes.

(Dried tongue stuck to the roof of my mouth.
Cut off circulation.
Infested.)

(My heart was ripped from my chest.)
i don't remember the exact moment. but i know the feeling, the aching. the grief. so much grief. this marathon of torture is a

(stitched wound bursting open, a neck snapped.)

i told you this in confidence.