Memories

Chapter 2

Standing in front of my closet, I look at what to wear. I know, I lost my job, but I can't let it make me feel weak. If I do, my grandma will see me like that and if she does, I know she will be sad.

The door cracking makes me look over to my door. Grandma gets in.

With a letter in her hand. Shit.

The letter. She walks in, takes my hand and sits me down as she sits beside me. I feel her caressing my back and I put my head on her shoulder.

To not make her worry I start to speak: "Everything happens for reason. It's fine. Look, my boss was weird anyway."

Grandma caresses my back "Yeah and good looking". When she said that my jaw drops, and I start to laugh. She didn't just say that. "Grandma! You can't say that!" She smiles and kisses my cheek.

After calming down she says: "I don't even remember how he looks like anymore. I just said it to make you feel better."

"Well, you did make me feel better."

I look at her. "Sweetheart... You know my uhm condition...", when she starts with that, I cut her off "grandma, no. We both know it there's times before the dementia progresses. You'll be fine-"

"Lycorida, no"

She said my name. She never says my full name. Either Ly or Sweetheart.

That makes me shut up because I know she's serious now.

"You know I will from time to time forget more and more. Look, I don't want you to be worried about me. And don't try to hide it I see it through your eyes."

She can read me like a book. I know.

"Lycorida, I decided to go to a place where I am with other elder people."

I sniff "You mean retirement?"

She nods "Exactly. I know we talked about it before and I know we said you can take care of me but, sweetheart I can't. You just lost your job, and I can't let my granddaughter take care of me."

"You took care of me too! Why can't I take care of you?" My voice breaks.

She puts her hand on my cheek. "Look. I know that every corner in Prestanda reminds you of me. I know everything reminds you of your work. So, I thought you could leave Prestanda and go to Esitys instead... "

"You mean- "

"Where you lived before, yes. I visited the retirement and there are so many people who have the same condition as me. They're also very kind. I want you to be happy in the future with your own family and not die alone because you took care of me, understood? I thought about it a lot, trust me."

"I do. I really do but I can't leave you either."

"Sweetheart, I'll be fine. You'll be fine too. I planned everything."

"Why can't I stay in Prestanda though?"

"We both know that you will visit me every day. Besides you just lost your job, how do you want to stay here? Everything will remind you of me or your ex-job and many other reasons."

I wipe my tears off and nod, understanding her thoughts.

"So, Ly, your parents' house is free. They gave it to me to keep it. I think you could stay there. I mean you also lived there for eight years. I already send letters there. If you're there an old man will give you the sheets you have to sign and done, okay. Trust me"

"I do", I whisper, and she puts her hand on my cheek. I smile and lean to her hand. "How will I go there? When? Who is going to-".

"Ly. You will go with a bus. I bought a ticket already for tomorrow night. Then when they say Esitys you'll jump out of the bus. Once there, you will live in a small neighborhood. The people should be kind there so ask them if you need anything."

After she explained this and much more I felt better. I know almost everything and feel safer. And knowing that I was there already my whole childhood made me feel safer too, even though I don't remember much.

"I can't imagine to get up and live without you..." I whisper.

"You can do it. I don't want you to be emotionally depended on me. And no one said we will never see us again. I just don't want you to end up alone."

I give her a small nod. We decide to get up and pack together. This will be my last memory of her, so I must enjoy it.

Grandma puts all my clothes in a suitcase. I show her the many plants I have in my room.

"Should I take these all with me?"

"Do you like them?

"I love them."

"Then why let them here?"

"Well, there are a lot and how should I take this many plants with me?"

She raises a brow and looks at me with an 'are you serious?' look. "Find a solution", she says serious.

Grandma helped me a lot in the past, but she also let me do many things alone, to learn them.

For a while I'm sitting on my bed now and thinking about how to take these plants with me.

My clothes, books and all the other things are already packed.

I gasp when an idea plops in my mind. I take a brown box, which was as big as my upper body I would say.

I then take my small plants and put them in the box. I take sharp scissors and cut some parts off the big plants. The little pieces I cut off, I put in a small bag and then also in the same box as the plants. These pieces I could plant new.

Exhausted I let myself fall on my bed and sigh. It was already late. I let my thoughts come.

Tomorrow. I. Alone. In Esitys