Dead Scientist Society

The Notebook Arms Race

Carl Friedrich Gauss: WHERE THE HELL IS MY JOURNAL?!

Carl Friedrich Gauss: FOR THE nTH TIME, STOP STEALING IT!

Richard Feynman: You did not just stop to change the n.

The chat lay in eerie silence for over three hours as tensions rose, although of course there was the occasional unrelated discussion...

John Napier, Emmy Noether and Julia Robinson were added to the chat

Emmy Noether: took them long enough-

Julia Robinson: I know right?

Hypatia: I feel you guys 🙁

Lise Meitner: Hey!

David Hilbert: Welcome to the club!

Julia Robinson: oh hi!

Emmy Noether: ^v^

John Napier: @Pythagoras wanna start a cult

Pythagoras: YES-

Nonetheless, Pythagoras and Napier had to delay this, they too were fascinated to see anything Gauss hadn't yet released of his ideas, as what he would regard as a mere doodle tended to end up being some profound insight he hadn't proven. It had been Feynman who stole Gauss's journal, of course it had, but everyone had been wanting to.

Carl Ludwig Siegel: hello...

Edmund Landau: Welcome to the chat!

David Hilbert: Landau did you just actually be nice?

At least 15 people crowded around the notebook at once, all scouring every line for insight and basking in delight at what they found. Gauss himself, however, was far from delighted, as everyone learned when he stormed into the room. The others' enthusiasm was no help either, over unproven ideas-!

"ENOUGH! All of you, for the last time, you may not even touch anything I have written until it is complete! How many times do I have to ask?! These are mere musings not yet fit for review, yet you forcibly pry into them! I've had it!"

Feynman smirked, and Gauss noted that to make matters worse, Pauli was already scribbling corrections and annotations in red pen. (It remains a mystery to this day where he obtained such a pen.) Feynman held Gauss's journal standing atop a chair, lifting it just out of reach and peeking through the pages. "Here I thought you would never stray from your formal proofs, yet these conjectures are quite rough around the edges... Fascinating indeed."

"W-well, ideas must come into conception from somewhere! How many times must I say that this is not yet fit for review?!!?"

After what turned into a long game of Keep-Away among history's greatest minds, Gauss did manage to reclaim the stolen journal. However, as tensions mounted he continually found more and more notes missing. To release such unfinished work to the public would be utterly preposterous and humiliating! Gauss refused to let anyone see the foundations of his thought, and now here they were taking his journals!

Eventually, Gauss took to hiding his notes. Yet for every new hiding place he created, two would be exposed. So he put them in a safe.

This was not the best of moves, and after Feynman had picked the locks to every one which he was able, there were the combination safes, of which modern versions had no obvious mechanics. That to Feynman posed nothing more than a fascinating challenge. A man builds something to keep another man out, there must be a way to beat it! And in intellectual curiosity, this time everyone was searching in unison.

Richard Feynman: Got one

Leonardo Pisano: Assemble at the agreed meeting spot for review

Carl Friedrich Gauss: seriously?

Alan Turing: also the cipher in your notes pages 136-158 there was utterly useless.

Carl Friedrich Gauss: Come on...

Edmund Landau: I'm interested as well... Can someone DM me the meeting spot?

Edward Lorenz: Sure, I'll do it. But um, my computer is kind of slow so the message might not get through

Julia Robinson: It's only slow because you're running the weather in the background

Edward Lorenz: Fair, fair.

Paul Erdos: GUYS WE NEED TO CUT GODEL'S INTERNET ACCESS

Paul Erdos: IS ANYONE HERE GOOD WITH COMPUTERS

Alan Turing: I could try ig

Richard Feynman: what... what happened?

Paul Erdos: ITS AN EMERGENCY

Paul Erdos: WE HAVE TO CUT HIS ACCESS

Richard Feynman: Woah, chill, slow down. What happened?

Paul Erdos: HE FOUND WEBMD

Richard Feynman: SHITTTT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT SHIT

Alan Turing: SGIRFNVFKAP AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA SHITTTT YOU'RE RIGHT THIS IS BAD

Claude Shannon: I GOT HIS PASSWORD WHAT NOW

Leonardo Pisano: press f to pay respects

Carl Ludwig Siegel: f

Pythagoras: f

Max Planck: why does everyone always fight...

Richard P. Feynman: There have been so many times when we aren't fighting!

Georg Cantor: That doesn't mean anything at all.

----------------------

Carl Friedrich Gauss: Alright

Carl Friedrich Gauss: I finished

Richard Feynman: you what?

Carl Friedrich Gauss: I finished my proofs of everything to catch up on

Richard Feynman: what the literal fuck

Joseph Fourier: It's cold

Rene Descartes: what, no it's not- wait wait wait is it cold maybe? Who's to say it is or isn't? We have no certainty in our senses.

Isaac Newton: Shut it, Descartes.

Rene Descartes: That said, your room is already a sauna.

Joseph Fourier: Rene, you're the only one who can stay in my room for very long, you've earned my respect.

Richard Feynman: If that's a dare I'll take it

Joseph Fourier: It's not a dare.

Richard Feynman: Phew-

Leonhard Euler: Okay everyone needs to get over here right now. Seriously I know it's old news that Gauss was reproving literally everything, but he just finished and it's incredible.

Euclid: Well come on, what were you expecting, for there to be any time Gauss's proofs aren't incredible?

Rene Descartes: May as well use that as another self-evident statement by this point.

Wolfgang Pauli: WAIT

Paul Dirac: Something's about to happen I can feel it

Wolfgang Pauli: Theorem 29, page 13 paragraph 2. There's an error there. You've completely ignored an entire set of cases! I would have thought you of all people never to neglect something that stares you right in the face.

Carl Friedrich Gauss muted the chat

Leonardo Pisano: Did anyone else here someone screaming bloody murder?

Wolfgang Pauli: hear*

Rene Descartes: Welp, back to existing-