BORN TO DIE | R. Arcturus Black

|20|

Chapter Twenty: Basic Pleasantries

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"Janet?" Harry's voice was soft as he called out. "Are you alright?"

There was a moment of silence before the door creaked open, revealing Janet with a strained smile. "Harry," she greeted warmly. "What are you doing here? Shouldn't you be having dinner with the others?"

"I just... wanted to check on you," Harry replied gently. "Janet, it's okay," he reassured her. "You don't have to be strong all the time. It's okay to feel upset, to show how you're feeling."

Janet took a deep breath, wiping her eyes. "I don't know what I'm feeling anymore. I just... I don't know where I belong."

Harry stepped closer, taking her hand. "You belong wherever you choose to be. And I promise you, you belong here with us. I know it doesn't seem fair, but you're not alone. We're here for you, me, Ron, Hermione, and everyone else. You're not alone in this fight."

"Why do we have to fight this war?" Janet wondered aloud. "Why didn't Dumbledore do something earlier?"

"Why do we have to be in the middle of everything, with no say in our own lives? And why do I have to put on a front every day, pretending to be someone I'm not, just so that everyone else feels more comfortable?" Janet's eyes welled up with tears as she voiced her inner struggles.

"It's not fair," she continued, her voice breaking. "We have to put our lives on the line for a war that none of us asked for. And the people we're fighting for don't even know who we are, let alone care about us. They just see us as pawns in a game, and we're expected to sacrifice everything for them. It's just so... unfair."

She took a deep breath, trying to compose herself, but her emotions were raw and close to the surface. Turning to Harry in desperation, she said, "I just don't know how much longer I can keep this up. How much longer before I break?"

Harry sighed deeply, searching for the right words. "I know," he began softly. "I know it's not fair, and I know how hard it is. But we do what we have to, because the alternative is so much worse."

Janet's eyes showed she was too overwhelmed to listen to reason. Her voice shook with emotion as she continued, ranting about feeling alone and misunderstood, dismissed and ignored.

"Don't you ever get angry, Harry?" she suddenly burst out. "How everyone else seems to know your parents, how there are memorials to them, and how everyone throws it in your face how much you look like your dad but with your mom's eyes. How you're the only one who doesn't know them? How you should be the one who knows them best, but instead you know them the least?"

"My whole life, I've spent wishing for my dad, my mom, just to know what it was like," she went on, her voice trembling. "I'd watch families play and chase after each other, dads swinging their daughters, and wonder if someone would ever swing me. And then I did, I met my dad, and this deep part of me wishes I hadn't. Like we're being taunted, like the world is playing some sick joke on us... I call him dad, but not because I feel like he's my dad, but because I have to. Because it feels like I'm obligated to. It feels more natural to call him Professor Lupin. I mean... H-he can barely look at me, I've talked to these walls more than I've talked to my father in my whole life! I just look at him and I feel like there is something I need to get from him, to hear from him. I need him - just for once to look at me like he's my dad and not something that he thought he'd gotten rid of years ago. So many nights wishing upon stars, so many stupid prayers before bed, and now I just wish I never knew."