See You In Heaven

Crossing the line

MY NAME IS LUKE AND I'M IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND

When I was 5, my family and I had to move from The USA to go back to my parents hometown in korea due to my parents losing their visa of american citizens, back then I was just a little kid so moving away was not a big deal to me, ive always been the sociable kind and an easygoing person, I knew I was going to make new friends easily. when we arrived in the small town of namwon, is was the first saw him,the first time I saw Jonathan, I was playing with my soccer ball while my parents were taking the boxes inside, then I accidently drooped it ,and rolled down the street ,until it was stopped by jonathan's feet, he hapilly took the ball and smiled at me enlighted by the most beautiful smile i had ever seen, he then gave me back the ball and told me his name was jonathan, followed by asking me back my name, I was way too young back then to realise what those butterfly in my stomach actually meant but every since that day they never left my body, they've just growned stronger until I could understand its meaning, time passed and we got closer and closer each and everyday , When one day I was old enough to experience desire, the desire of him...even tought it was a brand new kind of feeling that I couldn't understand at its fullest, I knew i didn't wanted this feeling to leave me. when Jonathan's mom died he was different, he never smiled, never wanted to play, wasn't laughing and was very silent all day long, I never blamed him for it, I just wanted to hug him tight and let him know everything was going to be fine, so I stood there,supporting him everyday, I wanted to share with him My secret garden,or shall I call it the hwang threehouse, I've always wanted to become like my dad, he's good at building stuff and he has the force of a super hero, we made this threehouse together, he teached every steps from the first nails to the last, this threehouse means a lot to me cause its something we've done together, just the both of us, this caban warmed my heart and I was hoping it could warmed his too, I waited till he was ready to talk to me, all I ever wanted was to be by his side, wether he was sad or happy.and when he finally did I trully felt like his special person. when we were about 12 years old, Jo's dad was getting married to his new girlfriend, while he couldn't accept it he kept coming for sleepovers at my house, we were watching movies alone together, as we were sitting so close to each other I could feel my heart beating as fast as the light, my breath leaving my body, I kept wondering wether he ever feels the same or not, and what exactly is this feeling, am I suppose to feel this way about my best friend? No matter how confused I was, I kept wanting us to get even closer,back then distance was my ennemy, so I was slowly getting closer to him, and when we both got scared at the movie, he jumped on my hips and leaned his chest closer to mine, surounding me with is shoulder, arms wrapped around me, of course I was so flustered abs couldn't reject him,or pushed him away, he suddenly just slowly put his head on my shoulder and started snoring very loud in my ears, while I've let my fingers enrolling each of his shinny long brown hair, and blow a sweet little kiss on the top of his head, it's always was normal to me but at school jonathan kept being more distant,he was still very attentionate and sweet towards me but he would ignore any forms of skinship we were havjng at home, he always asked me not to tell anyone about us hughing each other when sleeping cause people wouldnt understand, It always hurted me in some sort of ways, But I wanted him to be comfortable,so I stick by his request, one day when we were about 14 years old, jonathan had a huge fight with his brother, and he came to me right away asking to take him far away from here so we took our bike and we kept on riding till we got to my big cousin's store, Jo wanted to drink alchool so I convice jeff to lend us some beers, then we continued rolling till we couldn't tell where we were, we arrived at a pretty lake hidden in the forest, longed by at very long dock, we both look at each other, we smiled brightly,reading each other's tought , we took off our clothes leaving us only wearing underwear, we then, started running till we both got into the lake, then we jumped in, and started arosing each other, he jumped on my back and pushed my head in the water, we played for hours and hours till it got too dark for us to go back home alone, so We took our flashlight and sat in front of a tree, we opened the beers and started talking, well mostly jonathan was talking actualy I was just listening to him deblating on his brother and father,while he was swallowing more and more beer, I had time to drink about 2 of them while He had already took 6, I told him to stop over and over, but he wouldn't listen to me and kept telling me he was just celebrating being here with me, he stopped at 8 beer, I really tought he wouldn't handle and would be wasted but he was surprisingly just overexcited and he started to be very touchy when telling me stories he was putting his hand on my chest almost going down my suing naked body till it almost reach in between my legs but he stopped right before,The saddest is that I'm not sure he even realised at this moment what he was doing to me,I was blushing so hard, I had goosebump all over when he started petting my head and took me by the neck to talk to me closer I've lost my sanity, I was drowned and hypnotyzed, as I could feel his alcholic breath on my face, My eyes were going down from his his eyes to his lips, moving and blinking really fast, I could literraly feel the knot in my stomach I slowly released my lips from being locked together letting my breath going to him, he sudeenly stopped talking and we were both silently looking at each other, he started smiling, he layed down his thumbs on my cheeks letting it slide all along and he told me "do you even know how amazing you are luke" I instantly felt attracted to the sound of my name in his mouth, he's said it before but that time felt different.. In knew this wasn't right but I couldn't help the instant desire and craving I had for my friend at that time ,he then glanced very fast at my lips only one time and got back to my eyes, I pulled him closer, hold his chin and I enterwined our lips together,his lips felt sweet like cherry, it went so fast, but I could still feel the heat of his delicious mouth enflaming my all body , I didn't wanted it to stoped but then he pushed me away while our lips were still trying to stayed glued to each other, he layed his forhead on mine, when I tought he was going to go for another round he fell on my shoulder, still holding my neck , by a short instant he had already became the sleeping beauty. I wasn"t sure what this peck kiss actually meant for him but I knew it made me have firework inside the heart, I put his head on my arm and we both layed down on the ground, his legs all wraped around mine, the morning after, When I woke up he wasn't laying next to me anymore, I could hear the sounds of someone throwing up, I went to him and nervously asked if he was okay,he just answered yes and was being all cold, and ignorant ,when I asked him while swallowing my saliva cause even tho I knew from the moment I woke up that he would deny everything that's happened, I couldn't help but to keep hoping for the impossible to be, he as i tought, kept repeating he was hardly drunk and couldn't remember a single thing about last night, just knowing this one very special moment that was for me isn't even part of his memory trully hurted me more than I could ever tell,it's been three years now and we've never talked about this, not a single time,even tought he sweared many times not remembering a single thing,I can sense everyday since then that something as change between us, Maybe that comes from me only, but I was terrified for the first time,thinking I could lose him forever, ever Since that day I understood my feeling for my best friend were way more than just friendship but He didn't even seemed confused at all and always called me bro, so I never dared to tell him or ask him again about that night, I'm just so scared of losing him, I'd rather have him as just a friend than not having him at all..